#but also really heartbroken for the Bahamas

[not-talking-about-pancakes]

So...gonna be riding out a Hurricane the next day, if not two. How bad it will be is yet to be determined, but I’m in the Orlando area so I’m farther inland and should experience less of an impact. I do have family on the coast but they are also inland and not directly on the water.

But anyway, riding this one out alone with the dog, and just hoping my power doesn’t go out. If anyone wants to help keep me entertained feel free to drop me a message, an ask, a new CS fic...you know...whatever.

[justiceamberheard]

Amber Heard’s testimony, part 4.

Day 15.

Amber Heard says Johnny Depp was very remorseful after the Boston to LA private plane trip. She says: "He came to New York to fight for me, to fight to the relationship.(right after Boston plane incident May 2014)

"He said he was embarrassed and sorry, and I believed him, so I got back with him on the condition that he would do the full clean up, the detox, and never go back."

Depp went to Bahamas 2014 for the detox. Amber was also there.

She says his emotions "were up, down, mood" at that time, and she was trying her best to "roll with it... Taking his blood pressure... Taking care of him".She says he would sometimes want to have sex a lot, which she adds "was not like Johnny". She goes on to describe a moment when he "was shaking and screaming" while trying to upturn a table, but says thankfully it was screwed to the ground. She says at other times he was calm and peaceful.She says there was a point "where he got so angry with me he slapped me across the face, but while crying... He said no woman had ever made him feel like that".

JD to AH's mum: ''Never a second has gone by that she didn't look out for me or have eyes on me to make sure that I was okay. I would not be alive. It was Amber and Amber only who got me through it.'' (unfortunately, the text messages weren’t showed bc it’s hearsay.)

Heard says at this period: "Johnny was angry with me for working... he was furious at me. He found 'sides' [pages of script for an audition] and he blew up at me. He said I didn't ask him, and because he didn't know about the audition that I hadn't done yet, that I was hiding it. I ended up not doing that audition. I believe there were several auditions at the time that I didn't do..."

Amber Heard now talks about a meeting that was set up with a sci-fi writer called Clive Barker in December 2014. She says Mr Barker wanted to work on a project with her. She says this caused issues with Depp, who accused her of wanting to sleep with the author.Heard says that this led to violence and argument between them, saying of Depp: "He takes it too far, hits me too hard, breaks something in the house and leaves... He just split." She says he "never had to deal with the clean up... or my face".She says at the time she tried to placate Depp, because: "I didn't want him to think I was this slut he said I was all the time."

We are shown an email exchange between Depp and Heard about her meeting with Mr Barker in which Depp writes: "Agony is never the answer to any equation or occasion. Nor is rage... Please know, that my apology is sincere and solid... And, as stupid as it sounds, I hope your meeting with Clive Barker is excellent!!!" In another email Depp apologises again, writing: "I'm sorry... for my behaviour... I'm a f****** savage... The Devil is All Around, right...??" He also refers to himself a "lunatic". Heard says these words are all to describe what the couple dubbed "the monster" - Depp's bad behaviour when drunk or taking drugs.

Amber Heard now describes a trip to Tokyo with Johnny Depp on 25 January 2015. Heard tells the court: "I didn't have a fair shot. I wasn't looking at him... I was walking away from him... I didn't see it coming and he wrestled me down to the ground. He was screaming at me, really screaming loud..."He at one point put his knee on my back... And I had this struggle with him. And I look at him, and he's still got his sunglasses on, and I'm just thinking, 'He looks like he's not gone through anything...'. He's screaming at me that he hated me, that it was over, that he didn't want to marry me and that he was disgusted that he made this mistake and that everyone hated me. I remember crying on the floor. More than anything I was heartbroken... It broke my heart, I wanted to marry him so bad, this was the man I loved. Yes, it was awful at times, but I loved him. What he said hurt just as bad as anything else.

[rpf-bat]

We Float Among The Wreckage

Pairing: Mikey Way x Reader

Genre: Drama, Romance

Summary: Written for Gothtober 2020, Day 10.  Prompt: “Sirena”. 

Mikey makes big plans to take his girlfriend on a cruise vacation...but, she breaks up with him, the day before the ship is supposed to set sail. Heartbroken, he asks you, if you would like to accompany him, instead. 

You woke up, feeling excited. Today was the day, that your best friend, would finally return from a months-long tour with his band. You’d missed Mikey so much. You couldn’t wait to see him again. 

You dressed quickly, humming one of their songs to yourself, as you wondered, if you should call him, and ask what time he wanted to meet up. You’d bought so many comic books while he was away, that you wanted to loan him, to read. You were looking forward to hearing stories about his travels, too. 

You had just finished brewing a pot of coffee, when you heard a knock at the door. You answered - and found just the face, that you were hoping for. 

“Mikey!” you grinned, pulling your friend into a hug immediately. “Welcome back!” 

“Hey, Y/N,” Mikey smiled weakly. “It’s great to be back in New Jersey. How have you been?” 

“I’ve been great!” you replied brightly, releasing him. The excitement in your eyes began to fade, when you realized that Mikey was frowning at you. 

“What’s wrong?” you asked, realizing something was up. “You look really sad…” 

“I stopped by my girlfriend’s house, before I came here,” Mikey explained. 

“Oh, yeah?” you replied, raising an eyebrow. “How’s she doing? I bet she was even more excited to see you again, than I was.” 

“...Not really,” Mikey sighed deeply. 

“Huh?” you blinked. 

“I don’t want to have this conversation in your doorway,” Mikey said sullenly. “Can I come in?”

“Oh, yeah, of course,” you nodded. “You want a cup of coffee?” 

“Oh, yes, please,” Mikey said gratefully. He sat down at your kitchen table, and you poured him a steaming mug.

“You like it with two sugars, right?” you asked, handing him the packets. 

“Yeah! Good memory,” Mikey nodded. 

Of course I remember what he likes, you thought to yourself. He’s one of the most special people in the world to me. 

You sat down, across from him, and watched him pour the sugar into the mug, and stir the coffee around with his spoon. Satisfied, he took a sip. 

“So,” you asked softly, “are you going to tell me what happened?” 

“I went over there, thinking she’d be happy to see me, after three months, right?” Mikey groaned. “Instead...she told me, that she thinks we should see other people.” 

“She broke up with you?!” you gasped. 

“Yeah,” Mikey said, burying his head in his hands. “I…I can’t believe it.” 

“Mikey, I’m so sorry,” you said sympathetically. 

“I’m like, in shock,” he confessed. “She said that I’m never home, because of the band, and that she doesn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship.” 

“I’m really shocked, too,” you admitted. Sure, it hurt a little, having Mikey gone so often. But, that just made the days when he was home, even more special. 

“The worst part,” Mikey revealed, “is that I had just bought tickets, for a cruise, to surprise her.” 

“Really?” you gaped. 

“Yeah,” Mikey said sadly. “I was going to make it up to her, for my long absence, by taking her on a four-night cruise to Bermuda. It’s a really cool ship, called the SS Sirena. They’re supposed to set sail, from New York Harbor, tomorrow afternoon.” 

“Oh, no,” you grimaced. “Is it too late, to get your money back?” 

“Yeah, I already called the cruise line,” Mikey confirmed. “They said that the tickets are non-refundable.” 

“Fuck,” you swore. “What are you going to do with them, then? There’s not enough time, to try and sell them.” 

“Exactly,” Mikey nodded, seemingly at a loss. “I mean, I guess I could take the one ticket, and go to Bermuda by myself. But that sounds….really depressing.” 

He was right - no matter how sunny the beach might be, traveling alone, would probably suck. 

“Well,” you offered, “what if I went with you?” 

“Are you serious?” Mikey asked, eyes widening. 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “I mean, Bermuda sounds really nice, this time of year. We could just have fun, hanging out as friends. Hopefully, it will take your mind off her.”  

“That actually sounds really nice,” Mikey agreed. “Will your boss let you take off, though, on such short notice?” 

“Yeah, I have a bunch of unused vacation days, so it should be fine,” you assured him. “I’ll start packing tonight.” 

“Thank you, Y/N,” Mikey smiled softly. “I was really bummed out when I got here. But, the idea of taking a trip with my best pal, makes me feel a bit better.” 

“No, thank you!” you chuckled. “I’m really looking forward to it!” 

You only hoped, that the vacation, would be able to help him get over his heartbreak. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

He picked you up the next day, and quietly helped you load your luggage, into the trunk of his car. You could tell, by the absence of his usual chatter, that he was still feeling down. 

“What time does the Sirena leave port?” you asked, trying to distract him, from his thoughts of her. 

“Three o’clock,” Mikey replied listlessly, getting in, and buckling his seat belt. “But, they start boarding people, at one.” 

“Ok, it’s noon now,” you calculated, checking your watch, as you climbed into the passenger seat. “It only takes about half an hour, to get from here, to the Port of New York. But, there might be some traffic, when we go through the Turnpike. So, it’s probably smart, to go ahead and leave now.” 

“....Yeah,” Mikey said. His eyes, seemed a thousand miles away. 

“Mikey,” you said seriously, putting a hand on his shoulder, “listen...are you sure you want to do this?” 

“What do you mean?” Mikey asked, looking over at you. 

“I know I invited myself along,” you frowned, “but, if you’re really not feeling up to this, and you want to just stay home, I get it. It’s not too late to call the whole trip off.” 

“No, I don’t want to do that,” Mikey insisted. “If I go home now, I’ll just sit around my house, and cry about her. Besides, it’d be a waste of nine hundred dollars.” 

“That’s how much you spent on her?” you gaped. “And she just ditched you, like yesterday’s trash…”

“Her loss,” Mikey said defiantly. “Screw her….let’s go have a good time.” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You arrived at the port, with time to spare, and completed the check-in process, without any issues. Now, you were officially on the ship. 

You looked down at the card in your hand, that the cruise liner staff had given you. 

“That’s your room key,” Mikey explained, “and also, like, a credit card, that you can use to pay for food and drinks.” 

“Oh, okay,” you nodded. You had never been on a cruise before, so this was all new to you. 

“We’re gonna be on the lower decks,” Mikey added, directing you towards the elevator. You followed him quickly. 

The elevator took you one floor down, and Mikey led you to a door, at the end of the hall. 

“This should be it,” he decided, using his card, to unlock the door. 

You entered the room, apprehensively. It wasn’t much different, you found, from a hotel room on land. But, you noticed one glaring problem, immediately. 

“Mikey,” you pointed out, reddening, “there’s only one bed.” 

“....Oh,” Mikey blushed. “Fuck, Y/N, I didn’t even think about it.” 

He originally booked this room, for him, and his girlfriend, you realized. So, of course he planned on them sleeping in the same bed. 

Bringing you instead, had been a last minute decision. So, even if it had occurred to him, he probably wouldn’t have been able, to swap the one-bed cabin, for a two-bed one.

He’s already having a really rough time, you considered, so I’m not going to pitch a fit about it. 

“There’s no couch, or anything,” Mikey noticed, looking around the room. 

“It’s fine,” you decided. “You paid for this whole trip, so, you take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.” 

“What?” Mikey protested. “No way - my grandma raised me to be a gentleman. If I told her I made a girl sleep on the floor for four days, she’d never forgive me! You can have the bed.” 

“I don’t want to make you sleep on a cold, hard floor for four days, either,” you argued. 

“Well, what other choice do we have?” Mikey shrugged. 

“Look,” you sighed, “how about we just decide this later? I’m hungry. I think we should go have lunch.”

“Alright, fine,” Mikey acquiesced. “I heard that the ship restaurant is actually pretty good. Let’s go.”

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

As soon as the hostess seated you at your table, Mikey started looking over the drinks menu. 

“It’s a little early for that, isn’t it?” you frowned. 

“It’s five o’clock somewhere,” Mikey shrugged. “We’re going somewhere tropical, so why not order one of those fruity little tiki drinks, with the paper umbrella and stuff?” 

“Yeah, why not, I guess,” you agreed. You had a feeling, that he was still depressed about his ex. But, who were you, to tell him he wasn’t allowed to drown his sorrows? 

“What can I get for you guys?” asked a smiling server. 

“Two Bahama Mamas, please,” Mikey said quickly. 

“....And we’ll try the coconut shrimp, too,” you added. You didn’t want him drinking on an empty stomach. 

“No problem,” the waitress smiled. “Coming right up! By the way, Karaoke Hour starts at four o’clock!” 

“Good to know,” Mikey said absently. 

After the woman walked away, you turned to him. 

“Would you want to try the karaoke thing?” you asked. “It sounds like it could be kind of fun.” 

“I don’t know,” Mikey hesitated. “I’ve been playing music every day, for the last few months in a row.” 

“Yeah, you’ve been playing bass,” you reminded him. “Not singing.” 

“Bass is what I’m, like, actually good at,” Mikey said nervously. “All the singing talent in the family went to Gerard.” 

“Nobody’s expecting you to be perfect at it,” you pointed out. “It’s just for fun. But, if it would make you feel better, I could do it with you.”

“Like, a duet?” Mikey asked, seemingly comforted by the idea. 

“Yeah!”, you grinned. “I think it would be fun!”

“I need a couple more drinks in me, before I get up on that stage, even if you’re gonna go with me,” Mikey insisted, reddening. 

“Alright,” you laughed. “Let’s make this night interesting.” 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

After the Bahama Mama, Mikey downed a pina colada, and a Blue Hawaiian. He became more chatty, and less sad-looking, as the empty cups piled up beside him. 

“Alright, what song do you wanna do, Y/N?” Mikey grinned, flipping through the karaoke booklet, that the waitress had given to him. “We need somethin’, with a guy part, and a girl part…” 

“What about ‘Interlude’?”, you suggested. 

“You mean, the song that Morissey did with Siouxsie Sioux, back in ‘94?” Mikey guessed. 

“Yeah! That one!”

You knew that Morissey was one of Mikey’s all-time favorite musicians, so, you were hoping, that singing one of his songs, would cheer him up. 

“Yeah, let’s do it!” Mikey agreed. He swayed slightly, as he stood up, to walk over, to the karaoke stage. You took his hand, to keep him from stumbling. 

“Hey, are you sure you’re okay?” you asked, biting your lip. 

“I’m awesome,” Mikey slurred, swinging his hand in yours. “C’mon….please sing with me, Y/N?” 

You found that you couldn’t resist, his puppy dog eyes. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You stood on the stage, clutching your mic nervously. There were a few curious people, milling about, watching you. It wasn’t a huge crowd - then again, the trip had just started. 

“You ready?” you asked, looking over at Mikey. 

“Born ready,” he said, with liquid confidence. “Let’s go.” 

The staff member, who was running the event, queued up the music for you. You began to sing Siouxsie’s part: 

Time is like a dream

And now for a time you are mine

Let's hold fast to the dream

That tastes and sparkles like wine

Mikey stepped closer to you, as his voice joined yours, singing Morisssey’s verse:

Who knows if it's real

Or just something we're both dreaming of

What seems like an interlude now

Could be the beginning of love….

Something about the way he looked at you, when he sang the last line, made your heart race. You wondered what the hell you were thinking. He had, after all, just gotten out of a two year relationship yesterday. 

You told yourself to focus on the song. Your voice harmonized with Mikey’s, as the chorus kicked in:

Loving you is a world that's strange

So much more than my heart can hold

Loving you makes the whole world change

Loving you I could not grow old

You chanced a look at Mikey again. You realized, with a start, that something in his expression, seemed off. Was he….crying? 

“N-no,” Mikey stammered, choking up, as he sang the next line, “Nobody knows, when love will end….” 

He stopped suddenly. The background instrumentals went on without him, as he failed to sing the next lyric. 

“....Shit,” Mikey swore loudly. The onlookers all stared at up at him, confused. “Shit, I’m sorry….I can’t do this….”

He dropped the mic, and suddenly ran off the stage. 

“Whoa, Mikey!” you gasped. “Where are you going?!”

You motioned for the staff member, to kill the audio track.

“....Uh, sorry, everybody,” you said awkwardly, into the microphone. “I think this performance is over….”

Without further adieu, you took off running, after your friend. 

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

You found him in the cabin, sitting on the bed, sobbing. 

“Mikey, what happened back there?” you demanded. 

“I didn’t know that my love was gonna end, so suddenly,” Mikey said, sniffling. 

“Oh,” you realized, feeling guilty. “The song just made you start thinking about her again, didn’t it?” 

“I...I don’t wanna think about her,” Mikey slurred. “But, I can’t stop, Y/N. It hurts.” 

“Hey,” you said gently, sitting down on the bed beside him. “It’s gonna be okay.” 

“No, it’s not,” Mikey sobbed. He dove into your arms, and pressed his face, into your shoulder. His frames poked against your collarbone. 

“Sssh,” you soothed him, stroking his hair. “Mikey, c’mon, you’re gonna bend your glasses up.”

He picked his head up, for a moment. You gently pulled the glasses off his face, and set them on the bedside table. 

“Now, you can put your head back down, if you want,” you told him softly. 

“O-Okay,” he stammered, and lay his head against you again. With the barrier of the glasses removed, you could feel his tears, wet against your collar. 

“....Why doesn’t she love me anymore, Y/N?” Mikey asked, his voice muffled, by your shirt. 

“I don’t know,” you confessed, stroking the back of his head again. “I think you’re a really lovable person.” 

“You’re just saying that to make me feel better,” Mikey wept. 

“I’m not,” you insisted. 

“How am I lovable to you?!” Mikey demanded, picking his head up. “I made you babysit me all night….I got drunk, and emotional, and I ruined your karaoke song. Everybody was staring at us, when I just took off like that. I know they were…” 

“I don’t care what they think,” you shook your head. “I care much more about you, Mikey. I just want you to be okay. I thought taking this cruise would make you feel better. But, it doesn’t seem, to be helping you at all.” 

“Nothing’s gonna help me,” Mikey said dejectedly, flopping backwards onto the pillows. “I’m hopeless, now. Nobody is ever gonna love me, ever again.” 

“That’s not true!”, you told him. “I know you loved your ex, but she’s not the only girl in the world!” 

“There’s no girl on Earth,” Mikey said, staring up at the ceiling miserably, “who would want to date a guy, who is on the road, all the time. How do you love somebody, that you never even see?” 

“I love you, Mikey,” you said emotionally. ”I’ll take whatever time I can get with you. Even if it’s short, it’s special to me.” 

“You love me, as a friend,” Mikey spat. “That’s not the same.”

“No,” you shook your head. “Mikey...I’m being serious. I love you, in the same way, that you loved her. I have, for a long time.” 

“....What?” Mikey gasped, picking his head up, and staring at you in open shock. “Y/N, what are you saying?!”

“You were with her,” you confessed, surprised to find yourself, speaking these feelings aloud. “You were taken, so I kept my feelings quiet. But….the truth is, I always wanted you for myself. I don’t care, that you tour a lot. Four days with you, is better to me, than four months, with anyone else!” 

“You...really mean that?” Mikey asked, eyes wide.  

“....From the bottom of my heart,” you vowed. 

Suddenly, Mikey grabbed your hand, pulling you forward, on top of him. 

“Wh-What are you doing?” you breathed. 

He cupped your cheek with his hand. 

“Kiss me,” he breathed. 

“I shouldn’t,” you hesitated. “You’re drunk, and you’re emotionally vulnerable, and…”

“And I want you,” Mikey insisted. “Y/N, I should have chosen you from the beginning. I’m sorry, that I never realized how you felt about me. You’re more loyal to me, than she ever was.” 

He raised his lips, to meet yours. He tasted like rum and coconut, and maybe it was wrong, but you kissed him back, savoring his sweetness. 

He wrapped his arms around you, pulling you tighter against him, and kissed you again, with greater ferocity. Your hands roamed each other as the kiss deepened. How far was this going to go?

“....There’s nowhere else, for you to sleep tonight,” Mikey panted, “so, please, please, Y/N, stay with me all night.” 

You pressed him down harder, into the bed, that you no longer had any problem sharing. 

“There’s nowhere else, that I’d rather be.” 

[khoicesbyk]

The Biography Of Sam Dalton.

Chapter 2.) The Wife.

Well I promised you a chapter 2; and I’m going to produce!

Here’s our continuation of the question: who is Sam Dalton?

So we last left off with how a man (or should I say a stud) like Sam Dalton; could wind up a widowed billionaire with two boys?

Well to answer that we have to look at his wife, Samina.

She was his angel on earth. His north star. His anchor. His EVERYTHING. And yet; tragically she was taken from him. Ripped from his arms, his heart, his soul and most tragically from their boys.

Many believe that she was mugged on the metro going to his office downtown; some have even speculated that it was a blood clot that traveled. No one really knows. Except Sam of course. Their boys certainly don’t know. They were barely 2 years old when their mother died. So they really have no memory of her.

And that kills Sam more than the world will ever know. He wants them to know her. He wants to come home and find them curled up with her. He wants to see the love for them in her eyes. But mostly; he just wants her. He wants her back. He wants her in his arms. He wants to roll over and see her sleeping next to him. He wants to hear her laugh and her voice.

He wants their love story again. And what a love story it was.

Sam met (the then); Samina Tucker while in Grad School at Georgetown University. And boy was she something else! She challenged him. She angered him. She made him better, stronger and more mature. But mostly; she loved him like no one else could.

Her 5’9 1/2 frame drove him insane. Her curves were dangerous to him. Mainly because; they always mesmerized him. Her skin was the color of dark brown sugar; and was as soft as silk and satin. Her brown bedroom eyes; could turn him into a puddle with just a wink. Her smile was bright enough to light up a room. And her voice; whenever she spoke, she fussed and especially when she moaned for him always hypnotized him.

Now, Sam was a thrill seeker; but Samina was an even bigger thrill seeker than he was. She loved roller coasters, skydiving, parasailing, zip lining, bungee jumping, the whole nine. The more heart attack inducing the better. And Sam kept up with her; even when there were times he was certain that; she was about to get them both killed. She also loved to dance and sing; even though she couldn’t carry a note to save her life and she had two left feet. She was also very silly when she wanted to be. And Sam loved every single minute of it.

She was his kryptonite. The ying to his yang. His center. And like I mentioned earlier; she was literal EVERYTHING. They were married in a small intimate ceremony in the Bahamas; (her favorite vacation spot) and settled in Gaithersburg Maryland soon after their honeymoon to Thailand.

Life was pretty good for the couple. They both took the lead at Dalton Enterprises two satellite robotics labs. Her the lab in Virginia and him the lab in downtown D.C. They were definitely a career driven couple; so it was initially a shock, when she found out she was pregnant. Because; she didn’t want to give up her career but; Sam convinced her to be the mom she always dreamed about being.

And what a mother she was. She loved being pregnant. She loved feeling her babies moving and kicking. Because; it’s not every day that a black woman is pregnant with or gives birth to triplets. Yes you heard me: triplets; more specifically two twin boys and one girl. Although; they lost their daughter Tamika Vivian Dalton (named after both her mother and his) during delivery; they were still over the moon to be blessed with their twins.

Life went from pretty good to great! There was nothing in the world; that could shatter the dream that he’d been living.

Until the day; he got that dreaded phone call that she was dead. And in an instant; his life changed, his heart shattered and his dream snatched away forevermore. He was without the love of his life but what’s worse; his boys would forever be without their mother.

What was he going to do? He was new to all things fatherhood; and without her by his side; he just knew he’d fail at this whole parenting thing. Sensing that her baby needed her; his mother moved in with him to do whatever she could to help.

The burden of being a widower and single father was at times; too much to bear. There was a time where he was constantly angry, lost and extremely heartbroken.

The first two years after Samina’s untimely death were the hardest. He’d wake up some nights thinking she was there; when she wasn’t. He’d sometimes hear her voice in his head but; never saw her face outside of the wedding photo; he kept on his nightstand. Eventually; the pain became easier to manage, even though the void in his heart was still there. He still had their memories. He still had her love. But most importantly; he had their boys. He had to be there for them. He had to be strong for them. He had to shift his life and priorities for them.

And so he did. It’s been hard but just as equally rewarding. He loves watching his two mini versions of himself and Samina; learn and grow. They’re rambunctious sure but; they’re also curious and explorative. They like their dad; love to experiment. And like their mom; they love being silly. It filled Sam with pride and joy to see his boys.

So whenever he missed her; all he had to do was look at those two boys; and there she was. His heart. His soul. His love. His light.

His Samina.

And now that you know about his wife; it’s now time to learn about his family and current fiancée.

So; stay tuned for the next couple of chapters!

[tysonbaerrie]

it don't always go the way we planned it

For my hockey babes @bisexualtylerseguin, @blameitonmyjuuse, @ohstarlings and @austonandersen who never fail to make me smile and are always ready to flail over Bennguin and come up with ridiculous, dramatic theories as to why they aren’t hugging. Title is from “The Bones” by Maren Morris. 

It's the last night that Tyler's in the Bahamas that it happens. They've all gathered for dinner when Jamie and Katie walk in hand-in-hand, beaming and happy and so in love that it makes Tyler's stomach hurt. They haven't even sat down when Jessie gasps, pointing to Katie. That's when Tyler sees it, the unmistakable sparkle on Katie's left hand. 

"About time!" Jordie exclaims as Katie leans into Jamie, his face quickly growing red. 

The table explodes with congratulations and good wishes, and Tyler stays frozen in his seat. He hadn't told Tyler that he was even thinking about proposing, and what did it say about the state of their friendship that Tyler hadn't known? They were best friends, linemates, the face of the franchise and Tyler hadn't known. 

He watches as Katie flashes the ring, beautiful and classic and so very her. Jessie and Kate and the other women at the table ooh and aah over it and Jamie stands by her, looking increasingly uncomfortable at the attention but also staring at Katie as though she's the center of his universe. Tyler can't stand it, having the last bit of his hope dashed. He feels his heart cracking in his chest, and he feels both hot and cold at the same time, and it's hard to breathe in the way it feels when he takes a particularly hard hit to the boards. He pushes away from the table without a word, not even a glance to Kate, his mind scattered and frantic but sure that he had to leave that he had to be away. 

He turns his phone off and doesn't lift his head from underneath the blankets when Kate returns to their room. She's silent and the air is tense around them as she changes clothes and climbs in next to him. She's still and quiet and Tyler can feel the change when she sags down into the bed. 

"Ty?" She tries, and he knows that she knows he's awake but he can't answer her. "Ty, I like you, but when we get back to Dallas...I think we're done."

Tyler expects it to hurt, but the only image that comes to mind is Jamie, and Jamie and Katie, and the ring on her finger. Kate being the brave one and ending things between them brings only relief. 

The next morning, Kate meets the girls for one last breakfast while Tyler showers and packs, preparing to head straight from the islands to St. Louis for All-Star weekend. Before, he hated that Jamie wasn't going with him, but now he's not ashamed to admit that he's looking forward to some space from his best friend. A knock on his door pulls him from his thoughts, and he's surprised to find Jamie standing on the other side, hands in his pockets as he stares at him. 

"Hey." Tyler greets him, and he feels ashamed at the crack in his voice. 

"Hey." Jamie replies. "Can we talk?"

"Sure, yeah, come on in." Tyler steps out of the doorway to allow Jamie in, and he watches Jamie scan the room. 

"Kate's at breakfast with Jessie and a few of the other girls."

"Yeah, Katie's there too." Jamie replies as he starts pacing the room. Tyler finds himself wringing his hands, waiting for Jamie to tell him what he came here for. He just paces though, running his hand over the back of his neck and then scratching his fingers through his beard. The face he makes is one that Tyler's seen countless times, when he's struggling to find the right words in the locker room when they're down and out after the second and he needs to say the exact right thing. 

"What's up, man?" Tyler finally cracks, trying to sound casual as Jamie freezes. 

"You ran out on dinner last night."

"Yeah, sorry, I just wasn't feeling well." Tyler knows it's lame, but it's the best he's got when Jamie turns his gaze to him, his eyes wide and full of hurt. 

"You ran out as soon as Katie and I walked in."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Quit saying you're sorry. I know you don't like Katie, but..."

"I like Katie!" And the truth is, Tyler really does. He likes her, he thinks she's great, but then there's Jamie and she's the one who gets to have him and for a moment he hates her. Jamie gives him a disbelieving look. 

"Okay, but we just got fucking engaged and you just walked out. So what am I supposed to think?"

"It's not...I..." Tyler tries, feels the panic rising and his breathing quicken. "Jamie, please."

"Please, what? I just don't understand. You've always been distant with her, at first I thought...I don't know, but it's been years and now we're getting married and it's...I just wish you could be happy for me."

"I am, Chubbs, I am happy for you. If Katie's what makes you happy-"

"She is." Jamie interrupts, and Tyler sighs. 

"Then that's enough for me."

"Then why are you acting like this?" Jamie looks at him and Tyler wants to laugh, cry, grab the other man by the shoulders and shake him. "I just don't understand why you aren't happy about this." And he looks so genuinely confused and hurt that Tyler finally does let a harsh laugh escape, collapsing onto the bed with his head in his hands. 

"You know why." He finally whispers, so quiet that he's not sure Jamie hears him. "You have to know why."

"What?" Jamie finally asks, sitting next to him. "Do you...do you have feelings for Katie?"

"Oh, god." Tyler groans, wishing it were that simple. "No. Not Katie."

"But...oh."

Yeah. Tyler thinks. Oh.

"But you never said..." Jamie begins, and Tyer scoffs.

"Why would I? I knew you didn't feel the same. Why put us both through that kind of embarrassment?"

"Ty, I..."

"Please, Jamie. Don't. Don't make this any worse." Tyler jumps up, grabs his bags, and leaves the room without looking back at Jamie once. 

All-Star weekend is a disaster. Tyler's distracted, and heartbroken, and he has to put on his media face and be the happy-go-lucky Tyler Seguin that everybody knows and loves. He loses to skills competition to Patrick fucking Kane, and then they're knocked out in the actual game and just like that, his weekend is over. He's on a plane back to Dallas with absolutely no clue how he's going to deal with the fallout of his hotel room admission. 

He goes straight home, ignores the calls and texts on his phone except for one from Cassidy mocking him for losing the shooting stars competition. He replies with a series of middle finger emojis before locking his phone and collapsing onto the couch and losing himself in Netflix. 

There's no texts from Jamie. 

They have practice the next day, and Jamie is distant and quiet, only talking to him when they're on the ice and only about hockey. Tyler doesn't try to joke with him, avoids looking at him except when absolutely necessary. He's terrified of what he'll see there. Anger or disgust or - worse- pity. He hasn't seen anything on social media announcing Jamie and Katie's engagement, but he assumes they're waiting until perhaps the offseason when there's less attention on them. It doesn't make it hurt any less, because it's still real and it still feels like Tyler's losing Jamie in every way possible. 

When Jamie scores that amazing goal in OT against Tampa Bay the next night, Tyler's so lost in the euphoria of the win that he spreads his arms for Jamie without even thinking, waiting for the other man to crash into him in celebration.

It doesn't happen. 

Instead, he skates past him into Comeau, Perry, and Pavelski. Tyler stays on the periphery, watching as the team celebrates their victory as the crowd screams around them. 

Later, Jamie talks to the media and Tyler uses the extra time to shower and change and leave the arena before anyone has a chance to talk to him. His house is empty, but blessedly quiet, and he pulls a beer from the fridge and chugs half of it in one go. He'd always feared that Jamie would distance himself from him if he ever found out about Tyler's feelings, but he had never expected that it would hurt quite this much. He feels like he's lost everything in one go - his best friend, his linemate, the man he loves. He feels truly alone for the first time since he left Boston so many years ago. 

The pounding on his door is not a friendly knock. 

He briefly considers not answering, but the pounding continues with an intensity that tells him whoever it is isn't going anywhere. He checks the video on his doorbell and feels his stomach clench as Jamie comes into view. He pulls the door open and finds himself face to face with the other man. He's wearing a loose-fitting black t-shirt and well-worn jeans, his hair still slightly damp from his post-game shower despite the frigid temperature outside. 

"Jamie?"

"How long?" Jamie asks, and for the first time in years, his face is unreadable to Tyler. 

"How long what?"

"How long have you had...feelings for me?"

Tyler stares at him, shaking his head. Did Jamie really come all the way to his house to hash this out again?

"Come inside." Tyler finally replies, opening the door wider. He shuts it firmly, leaning his forehead briefly against the closed door before turning to face Jamie. 

"Why do you want to know, Jamie?"

"I just...please. I need to know." Jamie looks lost, and hurt, and it's something that Tyler never wanted to see on his face. He never wants to be the cause of any of Jamie's pain. 

"I don't know." Tyler finally admits, running his hand through his hair as he paces in front of Jamie. "I was attracted to you since we first met. It just...grew, I guess. I couldn't pinpoint an exact moment." Tyler hesitates for a moment before deciding that, if he's going to fucking himself over forever, he might as well do it right. "I feel like...at this point, I feel like I've always loved you."

Jamie turns away from him at that, casting his eyes to the ceiling, and Tyler knows that this is it. This is the moment that Jamie tries to let him down easy. Tries to be kind and gentle in breaking Tyler's heart. 

"You should've told me." Jamie finally tells him, rubbing his hands across his face. "You should've told me years ago."

"Why would I do that? It would have changed anything."

"It would have changed everything!" Jamie snaps, and just like that Tyler freezes, the anger in Jamie's voice something that he's only seen directed at other people. Never him. "Everything! I wouldn't have spent years trying to get over you, wouldn't have forced myself to move on, to try to find something who made me feel a fraction of what I feel for you!"

"I...what?" Tyler can't speak, can't think, because this...this is impossible. "You...had feelings for me?"

"Of course I did!" Jamie's pacing now, his eyes frantic and looking everywhere but at Tyler. "But I thought...I thought there was no way you felt the same. So, finally, I tried to move on. I met Katie, and I thought 'hey, maybe this could work. Maybe I'll finally get over Tyler and have a shot at being happy.' And I was! I was happy, I was going to marry Katie, and then you tell me that this whole time - this whole time - you felt the same!"

Tyler catches the past tense at was going to marry and freezes. He feels a small flicker of hope flare in his chest. If there was a chance, no matter how small...

"Jamie...are you engaged to Katie?" Tyler asks, and Jamie goes silent, stops pacing, the only sound in the house their heavy breathing. 

"Not anymore." Jamie finally admits, his shoulders sagging as the fight leaves him. 

Tyler kisses him. 

He feels Jamie freeze against him, but it only takes a moment for Jamiet to grip Tyler's waist, pulling him closer and changing the angle of their kiss. Tyler feels like he's going to explode out of his skin, the only things keeping him in one piece are the places where Jamie's touching him. It's chaste, as far as kisses go, but it makes Tyler feel more in one moment than all the lust-fueled kisses he's ever had in his life. It's everything that Tyler's ever wanted, and he honest-to-god whimpers when Jamie pulls away. He rests his forehead against Jamie's, breathing in the shared air between them. 

"I'm sorry." Tyler finally whispers, and Jamie pulls away to give him a questioning look. "I know you care about Katie. She didn't deserve to get hurt because of this."

"She gets it. I told her once, about you. I mean, she's mad as hell, but...she gets it."

"I love you." Tyler slides his hands up to cup Jamie's face. Jamie's smile is kind, gentle, and Tyler knows in his gut that this is it for him. 

"I love you, too." Jamie replies, and Tyler takes that as an invitation to kiss him again, this time with more fervor. Jamie groans when Tyler rubs against him, and it only makes Tyler more curious about the sounds he can pull out of Jamie. 

"Not that this isn't super romantic and shit." Tyler pulls away from Jamie, dropping kisses along his jaw and neck. "But will you please take me upstairs and fuck me?"

Jamie laughs, turns Tyler around, and shoves him toward the stairs. 

[tseguinpics]

Dallas Stars Chatbox Rant

So as you can tell from the title this is gonna be a rant, about some comments posted In the Tyler Seguin part of the Dallas stars chat box. If you don’t agree with me, that’s cool. Everyone has their own opinion and I just want to share mine.

1. One thing that really pisses me off is the amount of people calling Kate immature for a) posting pictures with Tyler b) using slang that a majority of other people her age use c) making a tik tok video d) possibly trolling the boards and so on

You guys do fucking realize she is 21 and this is what 21 year olds do. You talk about leaving the high school drama in high school and that Kate is acting immature. but you do realize that you are literally on a forum discussing her life, making rude comments, name calling her, and making comments and posting about every little thing she does, yet some how Kate is the immature one in this scenario. Little news flash for you, it’s not her it’s you acting like a teenager in high school. Also who the fuck cares if she posts food pics, if something looks good damn right I’m going to take a photo of it and share it with my friends.

2. The whole drama with “S” and S claiming she is The brunette (again there is no picture proof) and people feeling sorry for S because Tyler supposedly told her he wasn’t bringing Kate to the Bahamas but he did and now S is heartbroken and feels betrayed.

S is 10000x worse than Kate, why? Because if S is who she claims she is she is literally posting what Tyler is doing in his private life on a board full of woman who may or may not have an unhealthy obsession with him. People say S is genuine because she isn’t putting a face with her name and she isn’t doing it for attention. But if she is in a romantic relationship with Tyler and is actively betraying his trust by posting what he is doing and where he is going and who he is with, that is honestly disgusting. She is 100% in the wrong for doing that. Kate may be posting pictures of herself with Tyler and may be doing it for attention but at least she is a good friend and Gf and isn’t anonymously posting his private affairs to a bunch of fan girls.

Obviously the thing being said do not apply to everyone on the stars chat but those that it does apply to you know who you are. You have the maturity of a 16 year old yet I’m guessing a majority of you are grown ass women, who need to grow the fuck up.

[wheretogofrmhere]

Not that he wasn’t still sad at times, but he said the sad stuff was done by January and then he moved on to the upbeat ones. Obviously you have up and down days, I don’t really take him writing Still in May as him being heartbroken that whole time. Song writing is how you feel at a moment in time and in collaboration with other writers, it’s a mix of many things. He also said 2019 was one of the happiest years of his life and most enjoyable time spent doing all things he wanted to do.

the sad SONGS might have been done by January (tho i dont rmr him saying that) but that doesnt mean he wasnt still heartbroken and still feeling shit? and yeah, im sure most of 2019 WAS one of the best years so far in terms of growing and learning and writing his BEST!!! album and becoming a more mature person but AGAIN, that doesnt mean he wasnt heartbroken in the beginning. he literally said you could tell by his appearance; grown in beard, longer uncut hair, not really worrying about keeping super fit, that he was still feeling heartbroken. that was within that whole time frame. we didnt see much of a change in that until he went to the bahamas sometime after that. 

[thehelleniclunarwitch]

Oh To Be a Barton (Chapter Thirteen)

Tagged: @justgrits

   ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

*One Year Later*

“I’m gonna miss this place,” Emily said, tossing down her last duffel bag.

“We can come back,” Bruce told her.

“Yeah, I know. It just felt so normal being here.” Emily told him.

“Well kid, if you don’t want to leave we don’t have to,” Bruce said.

Emily shook her head. “I’d love to stay, but we stayed put for far too long. We need to get off Shield’s radar again.”

Bruce wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her in next to him. He kissed her temple and then the both of them took one last look at the farmhouse that had given them such a great year. Bruce left Emily to admire the house a little longer as he packed up the rest of their bags into the back of Fury’s SUV.

“Come on kid, we have to get you guys to the airport.” Fury said.

Emily looked over her shoulder at the Director. Over the past year, a lot had happened. Emily and Fury had grown closer since the passing of their mutual friend. Fury was really the only one that Emily could talk to about Phil. Fury understood and had missed the same things she did about their dear friend. Emily never thought she would one day care for the overbearing Shield’s director, but she did now and she was grateful to have him in her life.

Piper and Peter also came and spent quite a bit of time at the farm with her and Bruce over the year. Piper was adamant about picking up Emily’s training once they arrived. Peter gave in and helped Piper train with Emily. Emily was nowhere near their level or Clint and Natasha’s, but she was more confident with her skills and quicker too.

She had made a surprising friend of Jason Todd as well. It wasn’t as if they had miraculously become best friends, but they both stayed in touch with each other. Jason opened up slightly with her and Emily even shared a few things with him as well. Emily could say that they both equally had mutual respect for one another and tolerated each other now.

Surprisingly, Clint and Natasha stuck around in the beginning longer than they had planned. Fury let them stay longer than the original week. Emily really enjoyed getting to spend some time with her brother and Natasha. They both had shared their adventures with Emily and listened to Emily when she told them about all of the things that she and Bruce had done over the years.

Clint opened up to Emily about being brainwashed by Loki. Emily had cried the first time Clint had talked to her about it, but she could tell the more he talked about the stronger he was growing from it and the more he was accepting the fact that he wasn’t to blame for what had happened. All of the choices he had made were decided by another person. Emily reassured her brother that he would have stopped if he had the power too, but Loki was just too strong. Clint was letting go of his guilt and was slowly returning back to normal.

Her time with Natasha was the best. Emily had known since the beginning that her brother not only adored Natasha but loved her as well. She figured it out just after two months of following the two of them around that she loved him back. Clint and Natasha kept it completely hidden that they were in a relationship. Emily was the only person they told. They figured that Fury had to have known that they were in a relationship, but he never said anything to them. Emily hoped that the two of them would last because she so desperately wanted Natasha to be her sister one day.

On the drive to the airport, Emily couldn’t help but think about all of the good things that had happened over the year. She got to meet Steve Rogers for a quick second before her brother and Natasha swept her away before Tony figured out about Clint’s secret family. It was quite the honor to meet her role model. Steve promised to visit her on the farm, but it never happened. Emily knew that he was busy catching up on life since he had been frozen for the past seventy years.

Their year on the farm brought Bruce and Emily even closer though neither of them never thought was possible. Emily surprised Bruce by helping him reconnect with his love Betty Ross. Emily had spent a little over two months tracking her down and then talking to her. She didn’t hold anything back when they began emailing each other. Betty had told Emily that she had spent years trying to find Bruce, but he was a hard man to find. So for his birthday, Emily surprised him with a home cooked meal and a special guest.

Emily could remember the exact look on Bruce’s face when Betty walked into the kitchen. First, there was a look of recognition, shock, and then a large grin had filled his face. Betty practically threw herself at him and he easily engulfed her in a large group. Emily couldn’t help but smile happily as the two were finally reunited. When Betty explained to Bruce that it was all because of Emily that she was there Bruce hugged her so tightly that Emily was sure that he broke a rib or two.

Betty had ended up staying a whole month with them catching up and getting to know Emily. Emily had fallen in love with Betty. The girls had bonded so much that when Betty had finally left Emily was completely heartbroken, but Betty promised to stay in touch. That was exactly what she did. Betty frequently called and texted them. She even video conference with them on the weekends and those were Bruce and Emily’s favorite thing to do on the weekend.

At the small and private airport, Emily climbed out of the SUV. Even though the past year had been simply amazing Emily couldn’t wait to go back to it just being her and Bruce. She missed the solitude they could easily find in a different country. She missed helping Bruce run a cheap doctor's office.

“Stay out of trouble, ya hear.” Fury said.

Emily smiled. “Of course.”

“And don’t hesitate to call if you need anything.” Fury added.

“You know I will,” Emily replied.

Fury hugged her. “Take care, kid.”

“Be careful out there,” Emily said.

“I will.” Fury told her.

Fury shook hands with Bruce and then wished the Banner family his best. Bruce and Emily loaded the small plane that would take them to their new home. Banner hated flying. Feared it actually. So, he took his prescribed medicine and it knocked him out immediately leaving Emily to her own devices.

Emily kept herself occupied by connecting with Homer on her iPad. She had been meaning to create some new plans for a new workspace for Bruce's office. The Banner family had plans to reopen a small and affordable doctor's office again, but Emily would like to make the new place a little more homely.

When they finally landed at the Grand Bahama International Airport, Emily and Bruce quickly made their way down the terminal. Emily stuck behind her father as he led them down to the luggage pickup area. Emily placed her earbuds back in and cranked up her music. She sat down on the floor next to Banner as he waited for their luggage to swing around on the belt.

"I'll grab our bags. Be ready to go, Em." Bruce said.

Emily nodded and climbed to her feet. Sticking her iPad into her backpack, she shouldered the heavy sack. She waited patiently as Bruce grabbed their bags from the belt. Together, they carried their bags outside to where the car was waiting for them. Fury had everything set up for them. He swore to them that he was the only one who knew where they would be at.

It didn't take long for the driver to take the Banner family out to their new home. Their new home was grander than what they had expected and what they were used to, but they had decided to stay longer in the Bahamas so Emily could finish up school. Since Bruce was now part of the Avengers he didn't want to run anymore. Emily was working at a junior level. She had plans to graduate school in under two years. Bruce promised her they could stay put long enough for her to finish her studies.

Their new house was perfect, though. There was a second part of the house that Bruce was going to turn into his business. Emily adored that their house sat on the beach. When she discovered that her bedroom faces the ocean and had a balcony she had an aneurysm from excitement. Emily dumped her bags onto her bed before racing out onto the balcony. She took in a deep breath of the fresh ocean air and let out a sigh of content.

"Emily! Come on down here and help me, please." Bruce shouted up the stairs.

Emily left her balcony doors open and then raced down the stairs. She found her dad in the kitchen putting away the groceries that had arrived a little bit before they did. Emily helped put the groceries away. Bruce left her to go check on the second part of the house where he'd be working at most of the time. She left her dad to check out the second part of the house and walked outside.

She stepped off the back porch and her feet hit the warm sand. A small smile tugged at her lips. Digging her feet in a little deeper, Emily began walking toward the ocean. Emily spent a good half an hour walking up and down the shoreline just taking in the beautiful sight. When the sun began to set Emily returned to her home.

The delicious smell of dinner was wafting out of the house. Emily entered through the back door to find her dad finishing up the final touches of dinner. He smiled at her as she closed the door behind her. Without having to be asked, Emily set the table and then poured each of them something to drink. Bruce carried the food to the table and the pair took a seat.

"So what do you think?" Bruce asked.

"It's beautiful here," Emily answered.

"Are you going to be happy here for the next two years?" Bruce asked her.

"Yeah. What about you?" Emily answered.

"As long as I have you there is no doubt in my mind about happiness," Bruce explained.

Emily grinned. "Then here's to our fresh start."

After dinner, Emily helped clean up the dinner mess and then returned upstairs to her bedroom. She spent the rest of the evening unpacking and settling into her new room. She pulled out her Ipad and pulled up Amazon. Her room back at the farm was complete and just the way she wanted it to be. To her, that was her forever home so she made it a shrine to her friends and family. After Coulson's death, to her surprise, Emily inherited quite a bit of Coulson's things. 

Since he didn't have a family of his own and unbeknownst to Emily he left pretty much everything to her.

In her home on the farm, Emily decorated it with the Captain America memorabilia she got from Coulson and her collages she made of her family and friends. Here, Emily decided to go with a Tribal theme. It didn't take her long to fill her shopping cart with everything she'd need to make her room exactly how she wanted.

Exhaustion had hit her mid-shopping and Emily passed out before she could finish processing her order. Bruce found her asleep in the middle of her bed with her iPad stuck to her cheek. A soft chuckle escaped from him as he removed the iPad. He stuck the tablet onto its charger before rolling Emily over and tucking her in under the covers. Bruce kissed her forehead and then flicked the lights off.

Several days later, Emily rode her bike down the side of the small road. She could see that her father was busy so she rushed inside the house to drop off her school bag before racing over to the office to help him out.

"I'm home dad!" Emily shouted as she entered the office.

"Great. Can you start checking in the rest of the patients?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah, of course," Emily said, taking the clipboard from him.

Emily made her way around the office checking in the patients who were waiting patiently to see Bruce. Emily spent the rest of the evening helping Bruce get through the long list of patients. When Bruce finally did flip the closed sign on the door, Emily fell back against the waiting couch and let out a sigh.

"Holy crap, dad." Emily groaned.

"I know. Hopefully, it will start slowing down in a few days." Bruce replied.

"If not, we're never going to have any time to ourselves," Emily told him.

"It will be okay. I was actually thinking about hiring someone to help." Bruce suggested.

"Why would you do that?" Emily asked.

"I don't want to keep you from your studies, plus you're a teen now. I know you're going to make friends and want free time to yourself." Bruce explained.

Emily rolled her eyes. "Dad, I will never have a normal life and I'm too different to make real friends."

Bruce shook his head. "Fine, be an introvert, but I'm still going to take on some help to free you up."

"That's your choice," Emily said.

"I'm just going to order out for dinner since it's so late. Why don't you head in and get your homework complete." Bruce said.

"Alright. Do you think after dinner we can work in the lab tonight?" Emily asked him.

"Definitely. Now go and get your homework done." Bruce said.

"Okay. Call me down once dinner arrives." Emily said.

Bruce waved his daughter off.  Emily left the office and headed into the house. She grabbed her backpack then raced up the stairs to her bedroom. She dumped all of her homework out onto her bed and then organized it quickly. Her new school was challenging because they gave her a lot of work to accomplish, but Emily was smarter than they assumed and she flew her large quantity of homework.

Dinner still hadn't arrived so Emily pulled out her laptop and logged into Skype. She was thrilled to see that Peter was online. Emily quickly clicked on his username and hit the call button. She waited for Peter to answer the call. When his smiling face hit her screen she couldn't help but grin.

"Hey, bestie!" Peter greeted.

"Hiya, Pete." Emily smiled.

"How's the new place?" Peter asked.

"Amazing," Emily answered.

"And the new school?" Peter asked.

"They give a lot of homework, but it's not challenging enough," Emily explained.

"Nothing is challenging enough for you," Peter said with a laugh.

"Shut up," Emily said with a shake of her head.

"Nothing new is going on here, but I think Piper's missing you, though. Even though she won't admit it." Peter said.

"Piper would never admit anything like that." Emily smiled.

"I think she's missing her training buddy," Peter explained.

"That's because I let her beat me up without complaining about it," Emily explained.

Peter tossed his head back and laughed. "That's the truth."

"You know if I could tell you my new location I would so you guys could come and visit, but I think Bruce would freak out," Emily told him.

"Yeah, we understand that he just needs to get away from that part of his life," Peter said.

"Just think two years will fly by fast, though," Emily told him.

"You're all set to graduate at fifteen?" Peter asked.

"Yeah, I'd like to graduate earlier, but our time in Calcutta hurt that chance," Emily explained to him.

"I wanted to graduate early too, but Bruce won't sign off on that. He said the experience will be a good thing."  Peter told her.

"You only have a year left anyways, Petey," Emily said.

Peter smiled and nodded at her. "Listen, I have to go it's bedtime," Peter said.

"Right, forgot about the time difference. Talk to you in a few days?" Emily asked.

"Definitely. Goodnight Emily." Peter said.

"Goodnight, Peter," Emily said before hanging up.

Just as Emily was closing down her laptop Bruce called her down for dinner. Emily shoved her laptop back onto the shelf next to her small desk and then jogged down the stairs. Bruce already had the food sprawled out on the table. He was grabbing them water and silverware for their dinner.

"How's the crew?" Bruce asked.

"I just talked to Peter, but he said nothing was going on," Emily answered.

"Well, that's good. Your homework is done, right?" Bruce asked.

"I finished my homework before I called Peter," Emily told him.

"Stark called me today. I have no idea how he got the number." Bruce told her nonchalantly.

Emily's fork froze mid bite. "You don't think he knows where you are, do you?"

"No, because he would have said something if he did," Bruce answered.

"So what did Stark want?" Emily asked her father.

"He offered me a position at Stark Industries. He wants to work together." Bruce explained.

"Did you accept it?" Emily asked him.

"No," Bruce answered.

"Why not? You two work so well together." Emily wanted to know.

"I just got done helping save the world from aliens. I'm tired and I don't want to be a pawn for Shields. If I'm there in New York with Tony then I'll be on Shield's radar once again." Bruce told her.

"I know how much science makes you happy, dad. If you want to go back to New York we can go." Emily told him.

"Emily, your brother does not want Stark to know about you at all. If I go then where will you go?" Bruce asked.

"Clint has a farm. I can go back to taking classes online." Emily said.

"I'm not letting my thirteen-year-old stay by herself on a farm." Bruce scoffed.

Emily rolled her eyes.

"I could handle myself and you know it," Emily said.

"That's not the point. I promised your brother that I would always be here to take care of you and I will not break that promise." Bruce reminded her.

"I just want you to be happy that's all." Emily sighed.

Bruce reached over and kissed her forehead. "I appreciate that, but right now I'm happy here with you."

"Okay, so what if we go back to New York after I graduate? By then I'll be fifteen. Peter and Piper would graduate and they could stay with me at the farm so I'm not alone." Emily suggested.

"I'll think about it," Bruce replied.

"Deal." Emily beamed.

"Now, there is one more thing that you and I need to discuss." Bruce started.

"Whatever it is, I swear I haven't done any hacking since we moved here," Emily said defensively.

"It's about your brother, Barney," Bruce said.

"What about him?" Emily asked.

"Fury gave me this before we left and asked me to talk to you about it," Bruce told her.

Emily took the folder from her dad.

"What is this?" Emily asked.

"Fury, just like you, have certain files flagged in the Shield's database. Clint and yours are flagged and just before we left he got a notice that somebody got into your files and transferred a copy to their hard drive. When Fury looked into it, he discovered that it was Barney who got into your files." Bruce explained.

"Why would Barney want our files?" Emily asked.

"Fury and I both think that Barney is hunting down Clint to turn him in. Even though Clint works for Shields some of the government officials want to take down Shield agents and Shields itself." Bruce told her.

"Like that'll ever happen." Emily scoffed.

"It won't but apparently when Fury checked into Barney's background he found out that Barney has made it his personal vendetta to take down Shield, your brother, and get you back," Bruce told her carefully.

"Well he can come after me all he wants, but hell will have to have frozen over before I go back with him," Emily growled.

"Fury has made it absolutely impossible for anyone to find you, Emily," Bruce reassured her.

Emily opened the file, read a few things, and then quickly shut it.

"Can  I keep this for a while?" Emily asked him.

"Of course you can," Bruce said.

Emily didn't even bother to help Bruce pick up their mess from dinner. She was too enthralled in the file and headed up to her bedroom. Emily took a quick shower and then changed into her pajamas. Wearing her favorite plaid bottoms and a white tank top, Emily climbed onto her bed and opened the file.

"Homer, play Playlist 4," Emily said.

"Right away, Emily," Homer replied.

When the classical music began to play Emily started to pull apart the file. She knew pretty much  everything that was in hers and Clint's file.  She had read both of their files in depth, but there were some new things that had been added by Barney. Emily was unsure how Barney even got some of the information he did. She would have to talk to Fury about that.

With her iPad in hand, Emily took pictures of the file for reference. She marked down some of her own notes. Emily easily hacked into the FBI's database and pulled up her brother's file. She quickly downloaded everything on her older brother onto her iPad. Bruce had knocked on the door to remind her she still had one more school day left and to turn in for the night.

Emily cleaned up her mess and tucked it into the nightstand next to her bed. She would have to do her own research this weekend. Whatever Barney had planned, Emily was going to make sure that she did everything possible to keep Barney off Clint's trail. Barney walked away from this family all on his own. Emily refused to let him ruin her happiness all of these years later.

It wasn't going to happen, especially since Emily had Fury on her side. Barney was going to regret his decision of going after Clint. Emily was ready to take down her own blood to keep Clint and the rest of her family safe from Barney. She was prepared to do whatever it was going to take to make them safe once again.

[quixotic--s]

LIKE ITS 2010

tagged by @oceanstatic​ yes i was looking for it lol

When you were younger, were you ever in a relationship with someone you now realize was way too old for you? yeah but thanks to my parents protecting me it never became a relationship. i’m glad about that, cause you never know, but i don’t think he had bad intentions. he was a fun prom date, years after my parents made me stop seeing him. but by then i was almost 18. and nothing happened. it’s a good memory. Is your family dysfunctional? not really but i think we pretend to be more normal than we are lol How old were you the first time you traveled alone?

I walked around unfamiliar countries alone when I was 15 but I actually traveled alone out of the country at 20 to New Zealand.

When did you last leave the state/province you live in? january to visit my mom for her birthday Did you ever take an intro to law class in high school/college/uni? never Is there anything you feel like you need a break from? technology, being inside, on computers hunched over ow my back

What do you hate to hear people joke about? mental health, child abuse

What architectural style was your childhood home? Cookie-cutter suburbia. (keeping your answer @oceanstatic) Have you ever been in a situation where you had to live off of savings? no, fortunately but I think it’s coming when I go to grad school Tell me a bit about your last relationship. What was it like dating them? the one before this one? hmm. boring and full of anger. we never did anything but we had only been together for 4 months. and he said things like “i’m not racist i have black friends” !!!!! Have you ever been in weather so severe that you feared for your safety? yes when i worked at the country club! I had to do things outside to close for the shift but in the summer where i live we have thunderstorms almost every day. i would be out there in an empty golf field and see lightning strike so close. i would try to wait until it would pass but it’s just so constant sometimes and i’m on the clock and wanted to go home so i would hurry and try to get the golf cart in the garage etc and it was so scary

there was also a time when i was a kid that my dad was driving near a tornado. we didn’t see the tornado but there was a warning where we were and we were near washington DC when this happened trying to drive home. i remember our car was lifting off the ground and he was trying to cross train tracks. the “train is coming” signal arms were going up and down and up and down over and over again. we didn’t know if a train was actually coming or if it was a power fail. so he just kinda went for it. it was terrifying.

there was also a time in new zealand i experienced an earth quake. i thought it was my bunkmate beneath me being really restless, cause i was half asleep, but then someone woke me up and said we have to go outside because there was a 7.8 magnitude earthquake.

What political issues are the most important to you personally?

quality public education and affordable childcare. so many things matter to me in politics but this is one of the first things i look at when considering a candidate. What small thing makes you automatically distrust someone?

talking about another person behind their back to me that i know they consider their friend. it basically means you’re talking about me, too, behind my back.  What countries have you been to?

Norway, Sweden, Finland, Greece, Italy, New Zealand, U.S. (I live in), The Bahamas and Canada. What’s the kindest thing a total stranger has done for you? Nothing comes to mind.

Do you have any pets? If so, how old are they?

My dog Mary Jane I love her so much she is 5 years old we think. She’s a rescue so I don’t know for sure. She is a literal angel. I’m so grateful I found her.

Where do you want to live?

I used to want to move out west. I just want to be happy now. and be with my family. After I get my masters degree I want to be closer to my friends and family from back home. That’s what matters most in life is being near my family and right now they are so far. As long as I have my love, GOOD FRIENDS, my dog, a job I love and trails to bike on and just a home I feel safe and happy in I will be happy. Are you working full-time?

Yes but this pandemic has changed everything. I miss being in the field with my children and I worry about them every day. I can’t contact them. I made them cards. I think the addresses will reach them but some are homeless and I’m not sure if these will actually reach them. We might be able to put some things online but I teach preschool in the roughest areas of where I live and most of my kids don’t have internet, transportation, so I’m pretty sure some are more worried about meeting their basic needs than preschool enrichment right now to be frank. All my staff is figuring out how to navigate this together and I admire everyone’s adaptability. I just hope we can reach our families and help them and teach our students but I’m heartbroken knowing that some of my kids are missing out on essential speech and behavioral services they can’t get over a computer. I feel pretty powerless. I can do read-alouds and activities online which help working parents and help children’s literacy skills, I can brush up on professional development, but that connection and time with my children is lost. I’m literally grieving.

What are your favorite hobbies?

Mountain biking, penny boarding, tennis, thrift shopping

If you could instantly change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

more confident, less nervous around other people.

What’s something not a lot of people know about you?

I don’t know. a lot of people when they first meet me think I’m really innocent, timid, and inexperienced, but I have done a lot of things and I have a lot to share. I just don’t share it unless I’m asked.

I tag @awkwardleznerd

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Stay Ch. 16

Master List

Pairing: Natasha X Reader (Female)

Summary: You have a gift, the ability to see other people’s innermost secrets. For years you used it to gather intel for the highest bidder when you take on The Widow. After she becomes more than a mark the two of you spend years stealing moments. Post snap you wait in your designated meeting place, look back on the sordid past you share with the woman you love and hope against everything that she’s still alive.

Warnings: Angst, and fluff, and feels oh my!

A/N:  So yeah I swear I wroth an authors note for this... but idfk what happened. 

ANYWAY! Thank you all for being so patient while I got my life together. This one is also short and sweet (guess that’s the mood I’m in). However, y’all should know me by now. This is just the calm before the storm. 

Hope you enjoy this one my pumpkins! 

Tags are open!

@mywinterwolf  @disagreetoagree  @breezy1415  @peachthatdrinkslemonade  @5aftermidnight@jeromethepsycho  @marvel-randomness  @daniellajocelyn  @katecolleen  @yanginginthere@wonderlandmind4 @piensa-bonito @for-the-love-of-the-fandom @lesbian-girls-wayhaught @siriuslycloudy2

March 2007

At some point in the last five months, you’d stopped recognizing yourself. The woman in the mirror wasn’t Y/N. Her hair was different, down to even the eyebrows. Her accent distinctly that of a life long Londoner. She worked for an independent UK couture fashion magazine, chose wine over whiskey, and was distinctly heterosexual.

When the chance to work this job requiring deep cover came up in December you jumped on it. You didn’t want to be you anymore. The you that couldn’t be with the woman you loved. The you that was heartbroken. The you who was beginning to doubt that you’d ever be happy. Fuck her.

Being Charlie Daniels was far better. She was, of course, a real person. Just one who was now living comfortably in the Bahamas courtesy of MI6. Even legit agencies had use of freelance talent every now and then.

Settling into her life had been easy. Not setting her boss on fire or blowing his brains out daily was a different task altogether. Turned out that a magazine was a great front for a crime empire. Lots of international travel, young and beautiful and desperate men and women, money exchanged in countless untraceable ways, on and on. And this fucker was happy to take advantage of every single disgusting avenue it opened up.

You almost had everything you needed to hand to MI6, get your obscenely large payout, and get on to another gig while they threw all of these bastards into cells to rot for the rest of their miserable lives. Just one more trip. After whatever horrible things they lay out in Tokyo you’ll be set.

Tokyo is one of those cities you can lose yourself in. Like New York but better for its interesting balance of vibrancy and grounded reserve. You absolutely love it.

The whole point of the trip, at least on the surface, was to focus on Fashion Week Tokyo. Honestly, there was a part of you that wished this was your world. Nothing but runway shows and after parties. Writing about the latest trends rather than delving into the inner workings of the worlds miscreants

Oh well. It was nice enough to pretend. You had to admit that you’d miss Charlie Daniels once you shed this skin in a couple of weeks.

You’re sitting two people down from your boss at an underground show. The level of security here screams that there are other things going on behind the scenes but it’s still a room filled with a who’s who of the Japanese and international fashion communities.

This was your third show of the day, and you knew there would be a party after where you’d have to schmooze all while plucking information from your unsuspecting fellow guests. You’re exhausted. So rather than pay much attention to the show you let your mind wander.

When she walks out you feel her rather than see her.  Slowly you turn your head to stare dumbstruck at the model walking onto the catwalk. Your heart begins beating against your ribs, your mouth goes dry, your hands shake.

It takes every ounce of control you have to keep your emotions in. To not scream “Natasha!” at the top of your lungs. To not grab her and run for the hills. Charlie Daniels and her easy life be damned. It’s hard but you manage.

As she turns and comes back down, passing now closer to you, her eyes don’t graze  the crowd at all. Head up, shoulders back, she walks the runway like she’d been doing it for years.

The rest of the show is maybe ten minutes but it feels like years. You know the models are all attending the party. Eye candy for the high end guests.

It’s fairly easy to ditch your coworkers in the crowd as you try to find the best vantage point in the room without being too obvious. After a solid twenty minutes, you find yourself planning an escape route. Most of the models are milling about but she’s no where to be seen. You will find her.

But you know you can’t skip out just yet. At the bar, you order a red wine and make yourself seen. Charlie would never miss the whole party after all. You spend a bit chatting with designers and a few models, feigning interest in the whole thing until you hear your boss call out to you.

“Oy, Charlie!” Carl’s voice alone makes you want to put him down. When you turn he’s waving you over to the bar. Sighing heavily you head over.

You’re about ten feet away when you see her, head back laughing at something Carl or his friend had said. Both men are far to close to her for your liking and the hungry look on Carl’s face sets your blood boiling.

He slings an arm around your shoulders and you carefully coach your face to not show disgust. “Charlie here is my best writer. Doin’ some pieces for us on this whole thing,” he waves his other hand around wildly.

“Good to meet ya, Charlie, I’m Dan,” the other man, clearly American says.

“Likewise,” Natasha doesn’t react to the accent at all.

“This here is-”

“Natalie,” Natasha cuts him off, extending a hand to you. Holding her eyes with yours you take it. It’s like touching a live wire.

“Natalie is an American model working here in Japan. May be a good topic for a piece.” He ribs you leaning closer, “And a good piece for the office eh?” Suddenly that MI6 money seems far less appealing.

“I’d love that,” Natasha beams. “Why don’t you guys go mingle and Charlie and I can chat!” The men exchange a glance, but there’s plenty of fresh meat around to sink their teeth into.

Carl flashes you a greasy smile and a wink as he walks away. Thinking clearly that you’re going to snare this woman for him. You, unfortunately, had a few others. Not something you were proud of. Demands of the job you told yourself.

“She’ll take a vodka neat,” you tell the bartender.

“Yes,” Natasha smiles at him, “Whiskey for her. Makers if you have it.” He thinks nothing of it and makes your drinks.

“So, how’s modeling in Japan?”

“Probably about as good as writing for a sleazy jackal.”

You laugh, “That bad? What’s the goal.”

“Getting a cover,” you commend the clever word play.

“That’s a good goal. Long term?”

“Something like that.” She takes a sip of her vodka, “How long are you here?”

“End of the week.” Your skin itches to touch her. The men are rounding back. You hold her gaze and shift your eyes back to them. She catches on.

“Perfect! It’s so hard to have a good interview here, don’t you think?”

“Absolutely. Why don’t you come by my hotel?” You whip out your spare key card. “I’d love to get your story for the mag, maybe do a full feature.”

“A feature would be excellent exposure!”

“Wouldn’t it?” Carl slides up next to her. “We can get you all the exposure you could want Ms. Natalie.”

“Charlie was telling me all about it.” She flashes him a coy smile. “Thank you so much Charlie! I forgot I have a late fitting tonight for another show so I’ve got to run. But we’ll chat soon yeah?”

“Absolutely! It was so good to meet you Natalie.”

“Same! Bye!” She hurries through the crowded room and disappears.

“Busy girl.” Carl quips. “Whiskey?” You look down at the glass by your hand.

“Some guy sent them over,” you gesture to Natasha’s lipstick stained glass. “Seemed rude to refuse. Can’t stand the stuff though.”

“That’s a mans drink,” Carl laughs at his own perceived joke and you force a smile.

Somehow you make it through the rest of the evening. You’d refused to allow yourself to hope that she’d be here, too obvious to come the same night, better to wait. Kicking off your shoes you head straight to the mini bar and crack open a whiskey, downing it in one gulp.

“You really need to be more careful,” Natasha’s voice comes from the bathroom. “I mean not even checking around. Sloppy.”

“Charlie Daniels doesn’t have to check for Russian assassins in her bathroom,” a smile pulls your face so tight it hurts.

“Well, Natalie Rushman isn’t a Russian spy. So…”

You let your real accent resurface as you pull her into your arms, “Natalie Rushman, I don’t know if that’s clever or lazy.” She kisses you hard, tongue sliding over your lips hands gripping your ass.

“Mmm,” she hums. “Kinda like the accent.”

“Oh?” You revert to the clipped posh Londoner sound. “Would you rather be with Charlie? I hate to break it to you, she’s strictly into dick so you may need to get a bit creative.”

Natasha’s head falls back with laughter, “I’m always into a challenge but,” she cups your face in her hands, “I’d much rather Y/N, she’s got a cute accent too.” Your kiss is soft this time, “I missed you.”

“I missed you too, honey.” Gently you push a strand of hair out of her face. “Is this smart? Are you gonna get-”

“I’m good. I wouldn’t be here if I thought there was risk.” She pulls away and tugs you toward the bed. “There’s no surveillance on me here, I check in every week, that’s it. This is strictly to build a cover.”

“Cover for what?” She gives you a sideways glance. “Right. National security.”

“Do you really want to talk about work?”

Smirking at her you push her back on the bed. “Maybe later.”

You lean down to her but she stops you by planting a strappy heel in the center of your chest. Trailing your fingers down her leg you snag a knife from her thigh holster. Carefully you slide the blade under the straps, the incredibly sharp edge cuts through the thin suede like it’s nothing.

“Those were very expensive you know,” eyes sparkling with desire.

You slip the shoe off and toss it aside. “I’ll buy you a new pair.” Your lips press against her ankle.  

Everything in your life until her was so fleeting. Even your own name, the sound of your own voice, who you were… But with her, you were grounded. You weren’t anything but her’s, you were Y/N.

Suddenly you’re overwhelmed. Caressing her muscular calf you just stare at her eyes. Emerald green, dark liner, lids heavy with lust and exhaustion.

“Natasha…” Your voice cracks and you fight for composure.

“Y/N? What is it?” She shoots up, cradling your face in her hands.

You shake your head, unable to really find the words and unwilling to send this storm of emotions to her. “I just…” You cover her hands with your own. It’s not that you don’t want her, you do. But…

“Can we just… I just wanna hold you…” Her expression immediately softens, eyes sparkling a touch with tears. “Sorry… I… I just…”

“I’d love that, baby.” Tenderly her lips brush yours, then your cheeks, your forehead, your eyelids as they flutter closed.

You shed your clothes and crawl into the plush bed. Holding tight to one another you spend hours drifting in and out of sleep, covering the other with soft kisses. Before the sun rises your hands wander southward.

This time you don’t fuck one another senseless. It feels like you’re trying to memorize every curve, every sound, every subtle thing that marks being together. You both know you many not get to do this for some time. The knowledge aches but it doesn’t make having her any less sweet.

Post Snap

You lean your head back on the wall behind the booth. The crying man from last night is gone, you find yourself hoping that he’s resting peacefully somewhere… even though you know it’s pointless to hope for such things.

There are more people filling the bar than there was before. The TVs are off, radios turned up, reporters frantically trying to determine what happened. It was global, that was clear. All planes grounded, trains stopped, communications spotty due to damaged cell towers.

A man speaks frantically to someone who seems to be a friend that he was heading to Nuremberg from Budapest, how the roads are almost not navigable. He doesn’t know if his family is even still there but he has to find out.

Despite his distress, your lips curl a bit at the mention of Budapest.

[silently-fangirling-in-the-back]

I love Asmodeus OKAY BUT HEAR ME OUT–

do i like what he’s doing to Magnus, taking advantage of his heartbroken and vulnerable son? no, not at all. Magnus is my bean and i would kill Asmodeus myself if i could.

B U T 

i like his character.

i think Asmodeus is fantastic villain and he most likely my favorite villain in all of the show. 

the writing of Asmodeus has me head-over-heels in love with the character. we all have character types that we like more than others, and my number one favorite villain type is the charming, patient, and clever “i’m gonna give you what you need in this devastating time so you eventually join me” type. they make the best villains in my opinion, they’re scarier and more threatening.

all the other villains annoyed me. like Valentine, Iris, and Sebastian/Jonathan, they were all just so forceful. they were always so angry and demanding, like they needed a year-long vacation to the bahamas, get some sun on the beach while sipping some cocktails with cute lil umbrellas sticking out the top.

but the chill villains that were all like “i’ll get what i want eventually if i play my cards right” such as Lilith and Asmodeus were great. Yeah, they’re not the best parents—only three(okay four) parents on the show are actually good parents—but they know what they’re doing. they both know what they want, but they don’t use anger and rage as a way to get it. 

they’re cunning as shit and patient as hell and that’s my favorite part—they get what they want (im only assuming Asmodeus gets Magnus on his side, but idk for sure, but its looking that way) by being patient, cunning, clever, and charming.

they play the loving parent in rough times and give their kids what they need in a moment of need as means to manipulate those around them to join their forces and that is smart as shit and i l o v e it. 

Amsodeus is a shit father, i know this, but he’s a goddamn prince of hell, he’s knows exactly what the shit he’s doing and he knows exactly how to do it; he’s being persistent but he’s also being patient af and its perfect. 

I love Asmodeus’ character, give me more.

Also, Jack Yang is just perfect, aight? like he just as beautiful as Harry and they really pulled off the Father-Son resemblance with this casting AND Jack is an amazing actor, he’s a fantastic Amsodeus and he plays the villain role so well and the writer in me is loving his character as a villain.

[urcadelimabean]

"For that is the single most dangerous weapon they possess...the one they tempt. Give us your submission and we will give you the comfort you need.”

There’s something really interesting about this quote. I think Chaz is mostly right here, except the thing that “tempts” people to remain in civilization isn’t always comfort--in fact Black Sails argues that for many people it’s love.

A lot of Black Sails characters who end the war do so explicitly because of the temptation civilization offers to keep their loved ones alive. Jack is content to fight and maybe die in the war avenging Charles Vane’s death until Max appeals to his concern for Anne's safety and points out that the war has already killed Eleanor. Jack switches sides and focuses all his attention on creating an outcome that will keep Anne (and Max) safe. Silver goes behind Madi’s back to make the same deal with the other Maroons.

And although Flint seems to be disagreeing with Charles Vane in that scene in Miranda’s house, he actually comes pretty close to having the same ideology as him. Because for him the things that were the greatest sources of comfort -- Miranda and Thomas -- are gone. Before he lost Miranda he even personally removed another source of comfort in the form of Gates, his only other friend and ally at that point, in order to continue his war. So by season 4 there is very little left to “tempt” Flint to stop pursuing the war, even though he came to trust and care for Silver during the process and gained a friend in Madi. This is not to say that there was nothing noble in his effort to fight England, but there was also self-destructiveness and hopeless rage behind it as suggested at many points during the series. He has simply lost too much.

This also makes me think maybe Charles wasn't as tempted by protecting the people he loves because let’s face it, in season 3 his and Eleanor's love had completely withered and died. If she had (in an extremely out of character manner) left Rogers to ally herself with him I don't think he would have been so willing to die, because suddenly he would have had something to lose again. And I'm not suggesting that he was willing to become a martyr because he was heartbroken, because I do think he was driven primarily by ideology, but the removal of those close personal relationships and attachments, be it Eleanor or Miranda or Thomas, allows both Charles Vane and Flint to be more reckless with their lives and put themselves in more danger in a way that they were not capable of doing before.

Even though we can all see how deeply Silver hurt Madi by lying to her and how deeply he hurt Flint by betraying him, I honestly think most of us would have made the same choice--end the war and avoid the continuation of bloodshed. Maybe in a better way than Silver did, but for the same reasons. It's human to want to live a safer and more peaceful life. Very few of us are willing to die in an effort we aren't even sure will change civilization. We do not have Charles Vane’s recklessness/destructive tendencies/stupidity/ bravery/whatever you want to call it. Most of us who like Black Sails, assuming we didn't completely miss what the entire show was about, see huge injustices in the world and want to change them. But the temptation to try to keep ourselves and our loved ones alive is what makes us decide to do this from within civilization as opposed to doing it from without.

It’s also always struck me as a very hypermasculine and overly simplistic idea that the best and ONLY way to change civilization is through violence and that anything less is the act of a coward. Again this is not to say there isn’t something fucking tempting and satisfying about waging war against England, but as usual in Black Sails there isn’t always one right way and one wrong way, but multiple paths which all have negative and positive consequences.

For a lot of the characters it's less about right vs wrong (we all know the cause of the war is just) and more about weighing costs vs benefit. It’s interesting that some of the characters who are the most vehemently against the war in the end -- Max and Silver -- are themselves survivors of violence both on screen and in their backstories. They are done living lives of sacrifice. To them, the costs of war greatly outweigh the benefits.

When Silver said "I don't care" I think he was - wait for it - lying. (Shocking I know. Silver, lying?) I believe he does care that they will be seen as monsters. He cares deeply, painfully so, and is trying to remove himself from the narrative as he has so many times before. When he says "I don't care," he is saying the costs of war outweigh the benefits. They may control the narrative but we will be alive.

So while I think Charles Vane was right that civilization “tempts” us, I don’t think it’s wrong to be tempted. It makes us human and it means we’re thinking of our futures and the futures of our loved ones and trying against all odds to survive. It is also a HUGE oversimplification to say that not waging war on civilization = submission. Max’s story arc proves this and I think that’s really interesting considering both she and Charles were formerly slaves but had such insanely different philosophies about how the world can be changed.

Charles Vane’s death was brave, to be fair, and I loved his speech before he was hanged, but the fact of the matter is you can do a whole lot more to fight civilization when you’re still alive and working from within it than you can if you’re dead. Even Anne, the quickest to want to stab anyone, bless her angry heart, prioritized survival for herself and her loved ones over any war or ideology. "It ain't fear to want to do a hard thing smart."

I know in some ways it's open-ended whether Flint's war could have succeed or not. What's inevitable and what isn't? In some ways we can't know, and Flint's words about inevitability are extremely powerful. I know it's not necessary to use historical parallels because Black Sails is fiction and not history. But at least for me when having discussions about the moral choices these characters make I look at the context of what happened to slave communities in the Caribbean that were able to secure peace treaties and what happened to Haiti after their rebellion.

There are so many possible types of resistance here, from all out war, to some piracy being tolerated in the Bahamas, to attacks on slave ships, to creating an underground railroad like I think many fans imagine Max and Madi would be involved in after the war. Not all types of resistance would bring the same response from colonial powers or the same degree of risk to the people involved. And the degree of risk is hugely important when calculating the chances of success and ability to continue the operation.

So even as part of me wishes Flint's war could continue, I resent the idea that ending it was wrong specifically because victory was assured, or the idea that anything short of full-fledged war = submission to England.

[rilenerocks]

This is Pete Yorn in a screenshot I took of him yesterday at the end of a livestream concert he’d just performed. I bought a ticket for this show, paying more money than the minimum charge because a portion of the funds collected are being donated to Covid19 relief. I also bought a t-shirt designed especially for this event. I’ll probably get it in a couple of weeks. Pete performed an acoustic version of his breakthrough hit album, Musicforthemorningafter, which was released in 2001. During the pandemic lockdown, Pete has played seventeen live shows on social media platforms like Instagram and Facebook. I’ve watched all of them. On some days, they’ve been the only thing that got me through the murk. So how did I wind up with Pete? I’ll tell the story which is one of those serendipitous little deals that subtly shift the trajectory of a life.

In 2001, I’d never heard of Pete Yorn. He was a 27 year old musician trying to crack his way into the big time recording world. I was coming up on my 50th birthday. I’d been living with Michael since 1972. We were going to celebrate our 25th wedding anniversary that May. The previous year we’d made a huge transition in our lives. Michael had decided to leave Record Service, the music business that had been the center of his daily life for 27 years. With the advent of free music downloads from the internet and big box stores selling CD’s for less than the cost of purchasing them from the record labels, the writing was on the wall. The day of the small independent music stores was coming to an end. Michael’s degree in political science wasn’t much use for a practical job. He was 51 years old. So he’d decided to return to college, pick up 30 undergraduate hours of education classes and acquire a teaching degree as a secondary school history teacher. Eventually that move turned into his also adding a master’s degree in US History.

We told our kids about the new plans on our annual holiday trip to Starved Rock State Park. Our daughter was a sophomore in college and our son was in eighth grade. They stared at us, stunned, across the dinner table. A parental job change is a big deal. They loved their cool rock and roll dad who knew everything about music and got great tickets to concerts and sports events through the major record labels.  Going back to college when you’re an old guy? That was a challenge for them. We laughed out loud when our son asked, “are you sure you’re not going to become one of those dads who lays around on the couch all day, drinking beer and watching game shows?” We did our best to reassure them although we too were uncertain about how all this would work out. Michael got his substitute teacher’s certificate and took on as many jobs as he could, teaching everything from kindergarten, to special education to the occasional high school history class. He went to school a few nights a week, studying and writing during the days he wasn’t subbing. Student teaching would be coming up in the fall of 2001, followed by the daunting search for a real teaching position. I was the primary breadwinner, holding things together as we all made our adjustments  together.

Our daughter was a college athlete, playing volleyball for her university in an athletic conference that had other colleges within driving distance of our home. We spent time on the road going to watch her play. Our son was an athlete, too, so his games occupied us as well, Michael attending as many as he could given his demanding schedule.  Spring was a busy time for all of us. Our wedding anniversary was on May 1st. Given the fact that we were living on a modest single income, good sense dictated that we probably should minimize our celebration. But me being me, always with an eye toward the future, pointed out to Michael that we only got one 25th wedding anniversary. Ever convincing, I melted his resolve and off we went on a Caribbean cruise. We sailed on the Norway, a ship that looked romantically like the Titanic, although without the threat of icebergs. It was referred to as the last great ocean liner.

We sailed to the Bahamas where we swam with stingrays at Stingray City, to Roatan for snorkeling and diving off beaches covered with iguanas, and finally to Cozumel where we spent time in a magical water park alive with beautiful fish, birds and exotic sea creatures.

We wound up at the ruins in Tulum, Mexico, where we wandered about, marveling at the incredible turquoise water and the remnants of the fort walls, intended to be impregnable but easily violated by conquistadors whose horses easily vaulted the barriers. While there, we had our wedding date preserved like a Mayan calendar page.

We had a wonderful trip. On our actual anniversary we ate at a small intimate  bistro where Michael, proving himself as fiscally risque as me, slid a box across our table right before dessert with an amethyst ring inside. I remember my shock and my tears. So romantic.

May was a busy time. We returned from our trip and celebrated my 50th birthday. A friend had my yard decorated with 50 flamingoes in honor of the event.

A couple of weeks later, we were off on another adventure. Our son had qualified for the National Spelling Bee for the second year in a row. The local newspaper sponsored the bees leading up to the national one, and paid for that trip. We were joined by our daughter who flew in to Washington, DC because this year was the last for which our son was eligible. We stayed in a beautiful hotel downtown where we were feted in style.

In addition to the spelling there were barbecues, trips to surrounding historic sites and general great fun. Our son wound up in third place, getting his first paycheck at age fourteen. What a glorious time.

Summer came and zoomed by. Michael was still in school and the kids were busy with their activities. Our daughter returned to college in the fall, our son was a high school freshman and Michael was doing his student teaching. In October, our aged dog Sydney, had to be euthanized. We were all heartbroken.

We celebrated Thanksgiving and then winter was upon us. We were going back to Starved Rock after a very full 2001. Pete who?

Fast forward. The year is now 2017. Michael died on May 28th after his five year cancer journey. My son, now a biology postdoc, transferred all Michael’s iTunes files to an external hard drive for safekeeping for me before he returned to his field work in Guam. I was alone in my house. Recovering from the massive fatigue of being Michael’s caregiver, I set myself to the task of planning the large exhibit of Michael’s life which would be held in December of that year. He’d become a well-loved teacher in his unfortunately shortened career and I felt that an event near Christmas would allow former students home from college to attend. This would be a big public gathering. While I worked, I decided I would listen to the 2507 songs on my external hard drive. Michael and I were music lovers our whole lives. When he left the Record Service, he was slightly out of touch with current music but after starting teaching, he quickly developed a class which combined modern American history with film and music. He encouraged his students to share their favorite songs with him and continually added new tunes to his personal library. Although we listened to that library a lot, the music was on shuffle which meant there could be hundreds of songs I’d never hear. I wanted to listen to every single song, our old favorites and the ones he’d picked up during his teaching career. Some were great and others I could’ve done without. One afternoon, I heard Pete Yorn’s Life on a Chain for the first time. I was instantly hooked. One of my habits is that when I like something, I have to consume it. That first day, I probably listened to that song 50 times. Then I listened to the album it came from, Musicforthemorningafter, the big breakthrough for Pete in 2001. I ordered a CD and kept it in my car where I played it every day. I also loaded it onto my phone. There was one track in particular, June, which made me cry the second I heard it. I know this sounds weird but the melody sounded like the inside of Michael’s soul to me. Hard to explain-it’s just how it was.

Eventually, I started listening to more of Pete’s music. I read his biographical information and learned about his family. I started to like him. He said great things about his parents and brothers. I found him attractive. He took awhile before marrying and having a baby. He is unabashedly adoring of his little girl. He talks freely about emotions. I was hooked. I started following him on Instagram so I could keep up with his career. Last year he was performing at the Pageant Theater in St. Louis. My son went to college in that city. He was back from Guam and graciously attended the concert with me. We had great seats and I was elated.

For me, Pete was a gift that Michael left me, like so many other things that I’ve stumbled on since his death. Michael always told me I was the most loyal person he knew. That loyalty extends to those people who I’ll never really know, but feel I do because I’m just strange, I guess. Pete is the musical version of my beloved Roger Federer.

  When the pandemic hit, Pete began showing up on Instagram to perform live shows from some house in the California desert where he was sheltering with his wife and daughter. He had one acoustic guitar and a piano from his childhood. I can’t tell you how I loved watching him sit right in front of my face for these concerts which he played because he needed to for himself and to help all the shut ins out in the ether. He’d wait for a few hundred people to show up on his feed and then play, tell stories and chat. When it became clear that the pandemic wasn’t going anywhere, he partnered with groups to raise money for Covid19 relief, food pantries and the like. As I noted earlier, he performed 17 times. I missed him when he disappeared for awhile. Then all of a sudden, he announced last Saturday’s concert, a live acoustic stream of the entire Musicforthemorningafter album. Tickets were $15 and up, with each level getting a different perk and again, funds being donated to Covid19 relief. Unique t-shirts and a face mask with the words “Strange Condition,” one of Pete’s song titles emblazoned across the front. I so looked forward to this show and it was everything I dreamed it would be. Personal, empathetic Pete and great music. Nothing fancy, just him. One of the best hour and a halves I’ve ever spent. And I’ve been to more concerts than you can possibly imagine.

When the show was over, Pete asked people to let him know how they felt about it. Lots of people sent him screenshots with decorative, appreciative emojis. I wrote him a note, which is more like me. He took a second to answer me.

  Yup. Me and Pete. Who’d have known. I’ll be his loyal fan until I disappear. Life is full of surprises. Look him up. Have a listen. I hope you like him too. 

Me and Pete This is Pete Yorn in a screenshot I took of him yesterday at the end of a livestream concert he’d just performed.

[runawaymarbles]

Black Sails Fic Rec

Silver/Flint

shaking at the sight by vowelinthug | 1k | T |

two pirate kings, united vs. an entire island's naval forces.

the island didn't stand a chance.

look for something left in this world by vowelinthug | 2k | M |

it’s a nice day for a white wedding

too bad they aren’t having one

yer mother darns socks in hell by youatemytailor | 4k | M |

Christ, Flint thinks. He fucking hates Freetown.

el cuentacuento by straddling_the_atmosphere | 4k | NR | +Silver/Madi

At the end of the day, John Silver is an unreliable narrator.

Or: a storyteller’s story.

show me the way to go home by vowelinthug | 8k | NC-17 |

set during 2x4, in which Silver and Flint take a much-deserved time out and enjoy a drink or seven

and they both learn a valuable lesson about each other

namely that neither one has ever had any chill whatsoever in their entire goddamn life

let us possess one world by vowelinthug | 8k | NC-17 |

They return to Nassau after their defeat of the British Navy, only to be met by Agitator Billy and his propaganda machine. This is why Captain Flint tries not to let other people decide things.

In which: Flint wears a disguise, Silver tells a terrible story, one bathes the other, and only one man died the whole night which is, like, definitely a record for them.

What's in a Name? by Craftnarook | 9k | NC-17 |

Some conversations in the dark between Flint and Silver, set during episode 3x09. They have a moment alone in the Maroon camp, after Mr Scott's death, and what begins as curiosity and sharing develops into rather a lot more.

you are the queen and i am the wolf by vowelinthug | 10k | NC-17 |

They call him John the Giant.

Flint calls himself James the Early Risk for Heart Failure.

Don’t Fear the Ships (Fear the Black) by farasha | 11k | NC-17 |

“You can’t read sea charts.”

“Can’t is a strong word.”

Flint teaches Silver how to sail. As with everything they do, there’s a lot more going on unspoken.

Or, Silver tries to convince Flint that it would be a bad thing if he died.

ya filthy animals by vowelinthug | 12k | NC-17 |

Flint and Silver could be rulers of an illegal organization, major mob bosses, kingpins, criminal masterminds, etc.

But then they could also be petty shoplifters who like to drink during the day and fool around on their houseboat.

With Nothing On My Tongue by RosieTwiggs | 14k | NC-17 | +Silver/Madi

“Silver thinks: Maybe God likes it when I fight with him.

He wonders now, whether he’s been playing into God’s plan all along. Because no matter how angry he gets, how defensive, how many “fuck you”s he flings to the heaven, isn’t it all just proof that he still believes God is there, despite it all?

Silver doesn’t know how to counter that.

Maybe he doesn’t want to anymore.

Blue all in a rush by twofrontteethstillcrooked | 16k | NC-17 |

There were dozens of questions Flint wanted to ask. He chose, "Did it not occur to you I would find out you were here almost immediately?"

st. augustine is that way by vowelinthug | 18k | NC-17 |

James Flint had yet to meet a conversation he couldn’t avoid.

John Silver had yet to meet a routine he couldn’t disrupt.

(post-show domesticity, with oranges)

we must unlearn the constellations to see the stars by lacecat | 19k | M | + Flint/Thomas, Silver/Madi

Silver wakes up each time to a different day in his past.

He thinks that if this is his purgatory, he can’t say he doesn’t deserve it.

Sail These Roads and Back Again by neverfaraway | 20k | M 

James has fled the New World for the Old, shed his name and found quietude in his solitary existence. That is, until his favourite worst memory appears on the farm track, collapses upon his sopha, and refuses to be shaken loose. While Corsica smoulders and war becomes ever more likely, Flint and Silver enter a war of their own: to reclaim their past and forge an uncertain future.

gonna need a bigger boat by lacecat | 20k | Not Rated

“You really want to say that, when you’re sitting across from a man who lost his leg to a shark?” Flint scoffs. "There is no way a shark took your leg!" "Of course not," Silver says, smirking. After he draws the silence out, for what feels appropriately dramatic enough period of time, he adds, "It was two sharks."

Tell me we're dead and I'll love you even more by Craftnarook | 22k | M |

In the year 1725, or thereabouts, John Silver finds himself driven by a storm into an inconsequential little port town, barely a speck on any civilised map. Returned to the life of a drifter, tired and rough around the edges, he is resigned to waiting for the weather to pass before he can sail on again to the next town, and the next, and the next. That is until he overhears a conversation in the inn about a local fisherman, one Captain Barlow, and his tall tales of tempests and becalmings, devils and sharks, and Silver finds a new future opening up to him, haunted by the spectres of his past.

John Silver Can’t Get There From Here by Apetslife | 33k | Series, G-E | + Silver/Madi, Anne/Jack

Or: Fuck Treasure Island, And Also Actual History, And Probably Season Four Canon, Too

“He is so terribly in love with you,” Madi murmurs to him from out of nowhere, sitting easy in the curve of his arm in the shade of their small porch.

Fifteen Men in September by ballantine | NR | 34k |

Fifteen men on the dead man’s chest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum! Drink and the devil had done for the rest Yo-ho-ho, and a bottle of rum!

A Black Sails origin story for the song.

turning saints into the sea by lacecat | 86k | NC-17 | + Flint/Thomas, Silver/Madi, Miranda/Flint

They say she arrived in Nassau during a hurricane. They say that she brought with her a priest she had kidnapped to father her children, whom she then turned into storms to guide the direction of her ship. They say she has sworn to kill as many men on this Earth as she could, that she bathes in the blood of young children ripped from their mother’s breasts to attain immortality, doomed to serve the seas forever in return.

In reality, Silver has seen Flint conjure exactly zero storm-like offspring, but she does know how she speaks with the sort of conviction that if she were a man, they would write books about her. There’s a stiffness to her posture that speaks of someone who might better be found in a London parlor rather than a dusty brothel in the Bahamas, and yet she has a fierce temper that rivals any man’s on the island, a dangerous look about her like the air rippling over fire.

Silver/Flint/Hamilton(+)

The Isle of Hope by ElDiablito_SF | 16k | M |

When a heartbroken John Silver arrives in Georgia ten years after the events on Skeleton Island, he doesn't quite have it in him to face Flint. Instead, he concocts a scheme to befriend Thomas, and gets more than he bargained for in exchange

The Tether Series by stele3 | 58k | M |

“So you did find him,” the man says faintly. When Thomas looks up he finds himself caught in perhaps the strangest regard one person has ever given another, a gaze that absolutely does not dissuade Thomas from the notion that a feral, scavenging animal has broken into their home.

Smallpox Verse by vowelinthug | 70k | T-NC17 | + Madi

post-finale, where everyone learns a valuable lesson about communication and smallpox. (no one actually gets smallpox.)

The Canterbury Tales by Wind_Ryder | 133k | NC-17 | +Madi

Pirates. Attacking Georgia. A part of Thomas wants to believe that there’s nothing at all relating the events outside to the events in his personal life.

But when he turns around and sees John Silver slipping in through the backdoor, he very much doubts that’s the case. “Tea?” Thomas asks blandly, throwing the latch and shutting his blinds like a good Puritan man.

Flint/Hamilton(s)

the stars and she who runs with them by alovelylight | 1k | G |

When she declared Peter Ashe a traitor, her heart beating fury into the expanse of her body, she knew this was what James felt like. The constructed castles of civilization falling to the ground, dragons from the dark breathing out and destroying all the lies they hold dear. This was what she wanted; this would be her peace.

Time Covers All Things by lilithi|ien | 12k | T | +Silver/Flint

She imagines it will be liberating to take a new name, to adopt a new life. The next day, as she steps off the gangway onto the island sand, she tries to leave who she was behind like a snake shedding its skin. She can almost get away with it. How Lady Hamilton becomes Mrs Barlow.

The Witch Queen of Nassau by shirogiku | 12k | NC-17 | 

After James is captured by the Navy, it falls to Miranda to organise the rescue. Nothing goes according to the plan.

Revenant by BethWinter | 18k | T |

After Charlestown burns, Abigail Ashe meets a man who says he was a friend of her father’s. He gives her a choice.

The Far Waste of the Waters by more_night | M | 22.5k |  + Silver/Flint, Silver/Madi

James McGraw removes Skeleton Island from his mind.

Somewhere in Boston by redwhale | T | 29k | + Laura Moon/Shadow Moon

Mr. Wednesday tries to recruit the dread pirate Captain Flint for his war against the New Gods, and runs afoul of Thomas Hamilton in the attempt. Meanwhile, Shadow just wants a new goddamn book to read, is that so much to ask?

Soon after, on the trail of Wednesday and Shadow, Laura and Mad Sweeney find themselves in a charming bookstore in Boston...

Unaccommodated Man by kvikindi | T | 27k |

It is at this point that, for the first time, Thomas Hamilton begins to consider that he has gone mad.

The Sundering Sea by x_art | 137k | NR | Flint/Thomas

Stepping into the foamy surf, gasping at the force of it, the surprise of it—it had been breathtaking. Thomas had been that for him, his boundless sea, and he wasn’t ashamed.

Max/Anne (+)

you'll always paint my sky by mapped | 2k | T |

She still loves Max, and it gets harder and harder to deny it to herself.

(Anne through the second half of S4.)

histoire à tiroirs by straddling_the_atmosphere | 3k | T |  +Max/Eleanor, Max/Idelle

histoire (n): a story, a fictional tale, a narrative account, a lie

Or: Max and shifting sands

Bounteous by willowbilly | 4k | M | Anne/Max/Mary/Jack

It’s a queer hurt, almost like the relief of peeling off an old scab, to feel her heart pulling in three separate directions and to feel it expanding to encompass the whole damn rest of the compass rose rather than be so fragile as to rip itself asunder. Anne never would have thought, before, that she’d be this fucking caring. That she’d had such a deep well of love waiting untapped within her, way down.

kintsugi by princejake | 6k | T |

Anne nestles into his shoulder, her hair brushing against his cheek, and suddenly Jack can breathe properly for the first time in weeks. Here they are, together, in balance as they’ve been from the beginning. Complete again.

When he opens his eyes Max is watching them from across the street. Her posture is carefully neutral, but her eyes are… solemn. Stoic. Filled with a kind of barren peace. She always could convey so much with just a look.

Something twinges uncomfortably behind Jack’s breastbone. /Oh./ Perhaps not so in balance after all.

Other/Misc/Gen

no man’s land by rhllors | 2.5k | T |  Jack/Anne/Mary

The man on the deck looks back at them, considering. He’s handsome but he oozes violence; armed, scarred, tall, hair slung round a bandana, the same colour of a recently opened wound. “I’ve heard of you,” he says, with an infliction she’s not familiar with: somewhere from the continent, not French. Perhaps Holland. “The name’s Read.” he continues, eyes tracing the rim of her hat. “Mark Read.”

armed with the past and the will by whimsicalimages | 3k | T | Silver/Madi

The language of winning and losing, this language that men favor – Madi can speak this language, though she disagrees with its precepts. Success takes different forms, and failing once does not mean failing forever. It does not even mean failing the next time.

Gone to Port Royal by Apetslife | 3k | G | All the pairings

Definition of Valhalla 1: the great hall in Norse mythology where heroes slain in battle are received 2 : a place of honor, glory, or happiness : heaven

same bottle, same gun: two shots by AstronautSquid | 5k | T | minor Flint/Thomas, Max/Eleanor

„I will walk,“ Flint interrupted her objections. „You have just maneuvered yourself into a position of considerable power on this island, and now you have gone and cast aside a man the island admires and fears. It won’t do for you to be seen sharing a horse with me like a wounded young girl.“ Eleanor stared up at him; a wounded young girl full of curses, with a rifle resting like a sleeping babe in her arm.

[Nassau, 1708. Eleanor Guthrie remembers a moment in the life of Lieutenant McGraw. Captain Flint doesn’t.]

what’s a king but a heavy name by thatsarockfact55 | 51k | T | Mr. Scott/Maroon Queen, Madi/Silver, background Flint/Silver 

In the quiet night, one stranger tells another what he has always known: “I have been so many names, Long John Silver, and if not for love I would be no one at all.”

-

One story of a spirit, a slave, a father, and a pirate king, told in seven parts.

Winds of Change and Chance  by PanBoleyn | 60k | T | (eventual Silver/Flint, Miranda/Thomas, Flint/Hamiltons, Flint/Silver/Miranda) 

In which a thief and his daemon make their way onto a pirate ship, and vastly underestimate how hard it will be to get off again.

Well, the thief does. His daemon had a feeling this might happen.

[livelikebrent]

Stop 3: Charlottesville, VA

**Please Note: I was in Charlottesville the weekend before the rally**

Standing at Brent’s wake I was touched by how many friends had traveled to say goodbye to their friend and the ones that showed up to support me. As dozens of people came through the doors they slowly turned into hundreds and dare I even say thousands? Okay, it was “just” under 2,000. That evening there were times where a million thoughts were flying through my head and at other times I was caught just starring blankly at the carpet. One of the reoccurring thoughts and things I said to some of these friends, “I’m so sorry this is the reason I’m seeing you again.” But I thought about it as I was hugging, kissing, crying and shaking hands with these people that I decided this didn’t have to be the last time I saw them. Or this didn’t have to be their last memory of Brent, his family, and myself. So I came up with Tour de Brent.

It was late on a Sunday night creeping into Monday morning where I looked up the weather in Charlottesville, Virginia for the week and upcoming weekend. It was about a 4.5 hour drive from Philadelphia. One of Brent’s college buds, Broocks, grew up and lived there now with his wife and two little boys. He came up for the wake and funeral and I was able to spend a little time with him afterwards at Rodano’s. A couple of years ago, Brent and I took a road trip to Ashville, North Carolina for another West Virginia University friend’s wedding, "Iowa John’s.” Enroute, we swung through Charlottesville to meet up with Broocks and get breakfast together. So with the weather looking pretty stellar for the entire week, I ended up reaching out to Broocks asking if he by any chance had plans for the coming weekend. The only plans Broocks and his family had for the weekend was taking the boys to the county fair. They welcomed me with open arms into their home.

I was completely fine with driving myself. I had done a lot of that the last year of my life but I remembered Brendan having his summer off. Brendan is one of Brent’s friends from home. According the Brendan, they met in September of 1989 at kindergarten. He came around to Philadelphia a lot whether Brent was in the hospital or perfectly healthy. After Brent had passed, there were many people that reached out to me daily and Brendan was one of them. He’s an athletic trainer for a high school so I figured I better take advantage of him having time off during the week (must be nice) to tag along. Without hesitation he was on board for a long weekend trip to Charlottesville and a hike through the Shenandoah National Park.

Brendan picked me up Friday afternoon and we headed south. What was originally a 4.5 hour car ride quickly turned into 6 but I didn’t mind. Broocks wasn’t getting out from work until about 10pm but we still wanted to try and catch some of the band that was playing at his work in town: Three Sheets To The Wind. Their genre? “Yacht Rock”...they’re a cover band that dress in Tommy Bahama and play various crowd pleasing covers. I mean, wouldn’t you want to catch at least on song that evening? We sure did. On the ride, we talked about everything...work, family stuff, music, Brent, what had happened and how I was. I appreciated some of the questions that Brendan asked me. Some I’ve heard half a dozen times and others no one had asked me or had acknowledged. One question he did ask me during this car ride was, “Has anyone given you any piece of advice that you have found helpful or took comfort in?” It took me a moment. I have had many people reaching out to comfort me, give (warranted and unwarranted) advice and opinions. I had a family friend write me a lovely card. She had lost her son (Let’s call him Jason* for the sake of this post) to leukemia several years back. Similar to Brent, he overcame his cancer but it came back and started to cause problems. She wrote this to me...

“...You can’t go back and say “What if?” You have to be confident with the choices you made and the love you shared. I thought I would “crash and burn” when Jason* passed, but I couldn’t because he wouldn’t want me to! Jason* gifted me reasons to go on and share his love - Our “Jason*’s Hugs” blankets and Jason*’s Camp Flip Flops share his love through us. And...he is always “just beyond my reach”! It’s your path! Fill it with the love you shared! The greatest gift - love!...”

While that piece of advice may be obvious to some of you, it’s also nice to hear it. Some things also aren’t so obvious when you are so close to what has been happening. When Brent would talk about death with me I would entertain the conversation because it was important to address. We couldn’t act oblivious to the fact that death was very much a possibility for Brent. He had concerns that he would make known to me: 1. He didn’t want to die 2. What would happen to me and where would I end up? I would tell him we would cross that bridge when we got to it and we weren’t even close. Then I told him a million times over and over again that dreadful night in the hospital, that morning he passed, everyday leading up to and throughout his funeral that I will be okay, even though I wasn’t. This brings me back to why I’m traveling. I believe that Brent would be heartbroken if he saw me laying around my apartment unmotivated, mourning and not living...or as stated earlier, “crash and burn.” Brent and I missed out on a lot when he was sick and he always felt so guilty for that. He wanted me out and about and not hold me back from anything. So that’s what I’m doing. All of this traveling to see friends again and writing about memories new and old isn’t just for me. These are my reasons “to go on” and Brent is very much a reason and he is with me on every single trip.

We rolled into Charlottesville just after 8pm and caught the last few songs of the final set at the Sprint Pavilion where Broocks is the Operations Manager. The Sprint Pavilion hosts everything from town events and cover bands to Bruce Springsteen. Broocks grabbed us a couple of beers, Starr Hill was one of the main breweries, as he was wrapping up his night and we watched the band. I asked for a Starr Hill because I remembered that Broocks and Brent traded a couple beers on our road trip...and that brewery being one of them. After the band played their final song, Brendan and I walked up and down downtown Charlottesville looking for a spot to eat. What is really neat about Charlottesville is that while restaurants and shops line the brick walkway, down the center of said walkway each restaurant has a fenced in courtyard area with outdoor seating. Literally, every restaurant. So we chose Miller’s Downtown. I had remembered Broocks mentioning Dave Matthews had some sort of involvement with the establishment.

Turns out he used to bar tend there when he was first starting out. We didn’t step a foot inside and dined al fresco. I can’t comment on the ambiance of Miller’s but we people-watched, had burgers and beers which were decent then started making our way back to the warehouse of the Sprint Pavilion. Broocks was busy setting up pong and waiting with a refrigerator full of “hospitality beers.” On the end of the downtown strip before you hit the Pavilion is the Freedom of Speech Wall which I had already had plans for later during our visit. There’s chalk and people come by and write whatever they feel like on the slated structure. When Brent and I visited a couple of years back I remember him drawing the flying WVU logo as photographed below by Broocks!

We opened the doors to the warehouse and there was Broocks amidst a group of friends chatting, laughing, and playing beer pong with music playing in the background. Broocks is such a happy guy and I feel like he brings a smile to everyone’s face as soon as you see him. He welcomed us, made sure we were introduced to everyone and got us some drinks which happened to be from Starr Hill again. Broocks and Brendan chatted, they had never met one another. When I originally asked Broocks if Brendan could visit with me for the weekend he said, “Any friend of Brent’s is a friend of mine.”  Brent was always about bringing people together and I plan to continue to do that for him. I had already received the grand tour of the warehouse but Broocks showed Brendan and me around. The warehouse is honestly a man cave...but you’re at work with all of your event equipment.

Brendan and I ended up chatting for a while with a kid named Jake. He was really passionate about fly fishing, used to work at the Sprint Pavilion and attended Marshall University. I believe that is literally all we talked about. He seemed to be an honest, nice and easy-going individual. He didn’t stick around all night as he had to get up early the next day for his fly fishing camp he taught. As we were standing there next to this filing cabinet filled with stickers we started looking for a spot for Brent. There was a perfect spot on the top draw right next to a Starr Hill sticker. Jake asked about the stickers and I told him about Brent, Carve 4 Cancer and why we were in town to begin with. He was blown away and said his family has a house in the Poconos not terribly far from where Carve had been held. He immediately asked if he could have a sticker so he too could “Live Like Brent.” I gave one to him without thinking twice.

We woke up the next day to Broocks introducing Bodie to Brendan and me. Bodie is a cute blonde pup that loves playing fetch. He will literally go all day long. That’s what she said. Our next introduction was to Nolan, Jen and Broock’s 3 year old son who loves everything about cars. Then last but not least we were blessed with Jen and Nash’s presence a 3 month old who had been on his best behavior all weekend. I kid you not when I say I did not hear the child cry once. We actually knew what we would be having for breakfast that morning because Broocks had been insisting and chatting about it the night before. Bodo’s Bagels offers something called a “Deli-Egg Bagel” and it’s flipping delish. Ultimately it’s meat scraps mixed into the egg on your whatever egg and cheese sandwich. Broocks picked up breakfast from Bodo’s as the rest of us had coffee on their deck. We played fetch with Bodie while Nolan sang us a couple of songs and danced around like a wild man. Side note: Brendan was the perfect guest. Nolan and Bodie both fell in love with him and immediately all became best friends. It also helped that Brendan could speak about Cars all day long...as in the movie, Cars. After breakfast the Meade Family packed up and went to the Albemarle County Fair as Brendan and I headed towards the Blue Ridge Parkway on Skyline drive to hike through the Shenandoah National Park.

This photo is of Brent and me back in 2015. We did a similar drive but a bit longer on the Parkway and ended up hiking Humpback Rock which had an elevation of 3,080 feet. It was beautiful. I decided that this time around we would do something different and saw there were a couple of falls trails. The drive through the park was a solid 20 minutes to reach the trail base. Again, I didn’t mind...the entire drive through the Shenandoah is scenic with the trees, dozens of overlooks and winding roads. Another thing I didn’t mind was that it felt like fall that morning. It may have been just about 70 degrees if that. It was gorgeous.

We ended up on an 8 mile hike starting at the Jone’s Run and connecting to the Doyle’s River Falls loop. The water wasn’t terribly high. Before we left the house Jen mentioned that they haven’t received much rain this summer. It was completely fine and still a solid hike. We saw three falls, two of which were on the Doyle’s River trail which were 63′ and 28′ followed by the Jones Falls that was 42′. It was a long downhill hike followed by a long uphill. I may have said to Brendan at one point, “I don’t understand how this is an ‘intermediate’ trail.”...We were still very much on the downhill portion. My glutes later confirmed that it was very much an intermediate hike. The trails were shady for the most part and the weather honestly couldn’t have been better for an August hike. At one point we were on part of the Appalachian Trail which was neat. Brent had talked about wanting to hike the entire trail in one shot...I couldn’t imagine doing that. But fun fact: Broocks has hiked 150 miles of the AT (not in one shot but still v. impressive)! By the time Brendan and I hit mile 7 out of 8 on the hike I was most definitely ready for food. A deli-egg can only hold you for so long. When we finally looped back to the trail base where the car was parked we stopped to take in the scene once again but with a feeling of accomplishment this time around. We took a couple of photos before getting in the car for another scenic ride to Crozet, VA for some grub.

During the car ride down in between singing Fat Joe and Usher songs, Brendan made sure I was aware how ready his stomach was for smoked meat on this trip. I took note. Broocks had told us before we left for our hike about a place that had awesome smoked barbecue called Smoked Kitchen and Tap...how fitting.  I couldn’t get a photo fast enough for the before photo. But this will have to do!  We ordered hickory smoked brisket, ribs, fried chicken (with a side of maple syrup), cornbread, creamed corn with jalapeno and cole slaw. My mouth is watering again. The meat literally fell off of the bone. Smoked also has it’s own line of sauces. Carolina Firewater was hands down my favorite. I’m not a huge fan of barbecue sauce...I prefer savory. This was a vinegar based hot barbecue sauce and it ruled.

After we had our “snack” we headed back to the Meade’s to clean-up and head out to dinner with the family and then go see a show downtown with Broocks. After we cleaned up we hung out on their patio, played fetch with Bodie, I told Jen what had happened with Brent in those final 12 hours of his life and drank a couple of beers...some of which were yes, Starr Hill along with beer I had brought. Brent collected growlers. Knowing Broocks was into craft beer just like Brent I took Brent’s Crime and Punishment Brewing growler and filled it up with one of Broock’s favorite types of beer, an English brown ale called Bad Haircut. I gave it as a gift and a ‘thank you’ for not only just allowing us to stay in his home but for being a part of Brent’s life.

Broocks wanted to bring us to a place called Kardinal Hall (a cardinal - I know!) which was a German style beer hall. It was great. I will say it again...the weather was perfect. We were able to snag a seat outside so Nolan could play and we could enjoy the ambiance of the evening. We chatted WVU and Broocks explained how he knew Brent. In his own words, “It’s all a bit foggy”...I find this a common theme when you ask any of the WVU boys how they’ve met. But ultimately, Broocks met Brent through our dear friend Dan who grew up with Brent and ended up attending college together. One night Broocks went over to Dan’s apartment and ended up meeting his neighbors below him and the rest is history...or just a bit “foggy.” Speaking of how people have met, I’ve mentioned Starr Hill several times in this post and in my last post I noticed that there was a Starr Hill sticker where I placed my #LiveLikeBrent sticker at Assateague Island. Well, it turns out that Starr Hill plays quite the roll in the Meade household...and I don’t mean that because that the one beer their refrigerator was stocked with either. Jen was in Charlottesville for a work conference several years ago. She fell in love with the town and during her visit she stopped at...wait for it...Star Hill Brewery. Broocks just so happened to stop at the brewery that night and took a seat next to her. Honestly...Starr Hill should put out a “meade” to honor this couple. I feel as though their life is sponsored by Starr Hill and not just by choice.We stayed for just a couple of hours and by the time 8:30pm rolled around we packed things up so Jen and Broocks could put the kids down for bed.

P.S. Let’s all acknowledge Broocks’ shirt he chose to wear. It’s a Brent Mydland shirt that Brent made back in college with some friends. Super appropriate for this weekend!

After Brendan and Nolan were done chatting Cars, Broocks took us to the downtown mall to The Jefferson Theater to see a Charlottesville all-star Grateful Dead cover band play called Alligator. The Jefferson reopened only in 2009 but was established in 1912 as a live performance theater that played silent movies, vaudeville acts and hosted a historic list of live performers, ranging from Harry Houdini to The Three 
Stooges. It’s a neat venue that reminded me a bit like The Troc in Philadelphia...but a bit nicer. When we walked in, Broocks already had tickets set aside for us. While he only asked for three tickets, his friends at the venue set aside four. Even though Broocks told them twice he didn’t need the fourth ticket they just insisted that he took it. Broocks looked at us and said “Then this one is for Brent.” We got to the show in time for their second act and they played really well! One thing I did notice is that there was a woman on stage. I mentally face palmed and thought, “Donna Jean.” As soon as she started singing, Broocks leaned over to Brendan and I vocalizing my thoughts. “Donna Jean ruined so many songs!” It was true but the woman up there did a great job. We hung out on the floor for a while and then Broocks gave us a tour. He gave one to Brent and I when we swung through town briefly but the venue was empty. So it was neat to be able to watch the band from various spots throughout the theater.

We walked around the venue and got another round of drinks. Broocks knew the bartender...well, Broocks knows everyone. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had told me he was actually the mayor of Charlottesville. They were chatting about what was planned for the following weekend downtown, the Alt-Right rally. The group had done everything properly as far as organizing their event in the downtown mall, permits, paperwork etc. But The Jefferson Theater was concerned about the safety of their patrons and how packed the mall may become. It was to the point where the venue was considering cancelling their concerts that had been booked for that weekend. I honestly don’t think anyone knew what to expect and couldn’t have imagined what actually ended up happening. All I know is that if Brent were still alive and with us on the trip he would have been beside himself knowing we had just been there. I've been sick to my stomach thinking about it as well.

After the show, Broocks took us to one of his favorite spots downtown called, Jack Brown’s. He mentioned that they were having a silent disco outside for a portion of the night and we could check it out if we wanted. As soon as he said that, I looked at him and Brendan and asked, “Have you EVER participated in a silent disco?!” The answer from both of them was no and I told them we had to go to it. So we went inside, snagged a couple of seats at the bar and drank. I thoroughly enjoyed the place...it was a dive. Bras hanging from one of the “chandeliers”, vintage beer cans lining the ceiling and a fairly extensive bottle and can selection. Mind you, I asked Broocks to take us where he would’ve brought Brent had he been in town for the night. Broocks said Brent took him once to get a hubcap burger at The White Haven Family Diner back home in Pennsylvania so Broocks wanted to take him out for a burger at Jack Brown’s. Plus, there was a great spot for a sticker to be thrown up. I’m also just noticing now another Starr Hill sticker in this photo.

After we had a couple of drinks we went outside to the silent disco. For those of you unfamiliar with this rad concept I’ll explain it! Everyone had a pair of wireless headphones that are controlled by two DJs. One DJ is “blue” and the other “green.” On the side of your headphones you have two controls: 1. Volume 2. A station switch. For the station switch you can either tune into what the blue DJ is playing or switch over to what the green DJ is playing. The DJs were located on balconies outside of the bar above everyone singing and dancing. So if the green DJ sees everyone’s headphone beginning to light up blue then he will change the song he’s playing in hopes to get everyone back over to their station. Mind you, if you don’t have the headphones on...you can’t hear the music. Randomly, I would take my headphones off and hear people singing out of tune to the same song and dancing. It was like being in a completely different world when you had your headphones on jamming out.

Broocks and Brendan couldn’t have enjoyed themselves any more than they did. We were all singing, dancing, drinking and telling one another when a noteworthy song came on the other DJ’s channel and to switch. We were only able to catch the last hour of the disco and could’ve gone on for another hour had the DJs kept it going. Final song of the night? Queen B’s “Love on Top” ... to say the very least it was a great way to wrap up the silent disco.

The silent disco was the highlight of the night. But I will say there was a very close second. I introduce to you: Mike Jones a.k.a. the “C-Ville Clapper.” As we were walking down the mall, Broocks pointed out a gentleman in camo with a bicycle. “You guys see that guy!? That guy is SO annoying. He’s the C-Ville Clapper.” The C-Ville Clapper stands on the soap box next to the Freedom of Speech Wall and...yes, slow claps. All. Day. Long. Broocks says it gets to the point where people working inside of the offices downtown get annoyed by the constant noise of the slow clap. Broocks approached him to find out his real name, “Well, I’m Mike Jones!” he said and shook Broocks’ hand. The three of us buzzed died laughing hearing that and looking at this guy. We walked and talked with him for a bit. Then he looked at us and asked us to follow him down the alley. We all looked at one another and said in various forms, “Nah, I’m good man.” But he told us, “I’m a bad boy, I’ll take you to the moon.” Again. Dead. Laughing.

After the disco and walk with Mike Jones we ended up at The Whiskey Jar for a night cap. Another spot that Broocks would’ve brought Brent. The name of this bar certainly described the place pretty well. The place was buzzin’ with a wedding party along with other patrons. It had bottles on bottles of all sorts of whiskeys and brown liquors that I had never even heard of before sitting pretty on shelves.

There was a little jazz band playing in the back corner behind us. Brent would’ve really liked this place. I could picture him sitting at one of the tables with a whiskey neat bobbing his head and tapping his toes to the band. We shut down the bar and grabbed a ride home. The three of us spent the next hour talking about Brent. The wake. The funeral. How terrible it all really is. Then we called it a night.

Sunday was for two things: Ace Biscuit and Barbecue and taking over a portion of the Freedom of Speech Wall. When Brent and I came down to meet up with Broocks we started with breakfast. Broocks suggested Ace and I’m so glad he did. It is absolutely delish. One of my favorite things about this place is that they have an ODB sandwich on the menu - Ol’ Dirty Biscuit. Tip: You can make any menu item “dirty” by adding sausage gravy. Plus, the fact that the name of the establishment is also my nickname made me like the joint even more.

Looking back I wish I had a photo taken of the three of us. But sometimes it’s just easier to be living in the moment. We ordered our breakfast and sat back at a picnic table anxiously waiting for our meals. I LOVE biscuits and was waiting all weekend for my Ace sausage, egg and smoked pimento cheese biscuit breakfast sandwich. I couldn’t tell you what the boys ordered because I was too focused on waiting for my own. My food didn’t stand a chance and I didn’t even think about snapping a photo. So this photo of the mural outside will have to do! 

We went back inside, I bought a t-shirt (bummed they are always “sold out” of their OBD shirts) and asked permission to place a sticker on the mixer sitting up at the register. As I was doing so, a couple of the employees asked what the sticker was for. We told them the story and the last time we were there was with Brent and had to come back. They immediately cleared off a spot right on the front of the mixer for Brent so everyone could see it. The employees couldn’t have been nicer and more supportive.

After Ace we made our way back to downtown to work on the Freedom of Speech wall. We bought some chalk and chalk pens, borrowed a bucket and straight edges from Broock’s warehouse and went to town on that wall. We probably could have completed the project in less time but every so often a group or individual would stand there and ask what we were doing or who Brent was. At first Brendan and I would both stop what we were doing to chat with the group or individual...but it became so frequently asked that we ended up alternating who would tell the story. Some people said, “Oh” and then there would be others that were so extremely touched by the story and what we were doing. One women embraced my sweaty body and hugged me tight and wished me the absolute best. That meant a lot to me coming from a complete utter stranger. But then alas! We completed the hashtag in 2.5 hours! Shout out to Brendan for his first and claimed this to be his last “art installation.”

As we made our way back to the Meade household we passed a cardinal mural on the side of a building not too far from the house. As we passed, Brendan asked if I wanted him to stop to take a photo. As I was thinking about my response and if I felt like stopping he said, “Sometimes the cardinal comes to you and sometimes you have to go to the cardinal.” He whipped his car around and told me to go stand against the wall. I’m glad he did.

When we got back to the house it was mid afternoon and Brendan and I packed up and said our ‘goodbyes’ to Jen and Broocks. Jen told us that Nolan will be very upset when he wakes up from his nap to see his friends have vanished. The kid could’ve literally laid next to Brendan talking about cars and watching car videos for hours on end. If he doesn’t end up doing something with cars when he gets older I will be astounded to say the least. As we were walking out of the house Brendan asked if I’d like to swing through Washington D.C. since it was on the way home...I figured why not? We were going to be sitting in D.C. traffic anyway. Brendan also mentioned that since Brent loved history and we could visit the World War II monument for him. I liked that idea.  As we were leaving Virginia, Brendan elbowed me. I looked at him and he nodded in the direction of a truck passing us on the right. He casually said, “Look at the license plate.” I chuckled but was thinking, “You have got to be kidding me.” It said, “BBRENT.” Photographed below, Brent decided to join us for a bit on the ride to D.C..

We walked around the monuments, chatted and again just enjoyed the beautiful weather we were blessed with that weekend before heading back north to Pennsylvania. I just want to say thank you once again to Jen and Broocks for your generosity and spending a weekend with me for Brent! Thank you to Brendan for being my photographer and chauffeur for the entire weekend. I couldn’t have asked for better company.

Photo Credit: Brendan Moriarty, Broocks Meade and Jen Meade

[deborajane20]

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